Claire and I arrive at the party at 9 and see that it is already in full swing. Claire parks the car about a block away and we walk towards the house. We are both wearing three inch heels, but are walking as if they were tennis shoes. We had walked in high heels for miles on numerous occasions, so it didn’t bother us any more.
We walk up to the front door of a party as a bunch of jocks dragged a freshman out. We ignore them and go inside. People were jammed into every available space around us. They part as best they can to let us walk through, though. Claire and I are the two hardest partiers of our grade. We determined if the party was good enough or not. One of us was usually the first to know about an upcoming party. A lot of lower classmen considered it the biggest accomplishment if either of us even showed up at one of their parties.
Because of our notorious partying, which Claire seemed to have continued to do without me this year, people are calling out hellos to us as we pass. Most of them neither of us have ever spoken to before, but we call out our hellos anyways.
I smile at all the people I pass on the way to the kitchen. This was an annual party that some kid had been having since freshman year, and so we knew where everything would be. I pass on the drink Claire offers me and tell her I will be dancing. She nods at me because it is easier then talking.
I walk away and out in to the backyard. The host, Trevor, has a huge sound system set up in the back. There are speakers placed around a large area that serves as the dance floor. I walk over and am greeted by more people I don’t know. I start dancing at the edge of the crowd and am swiftly pulled into the middle.
I let myself be lost in the music. Everyone is so tightly packed that no matter how I move I touch someone else. This doesn’t bother me as much as I had feared it would. I am a good dancer and I know a lot of people who like to just watch me. I had been able to dance since I was a little girl.
I jump a bit and let out a small shriek of surprise when I feel a hand on my shoulder though. I spin around and look up to find Edwin standing behind me. He doesn’t say anything and just turns me back around. He steps up so my body is pressed against his, and we start dancing.
Once again, I lose myself in the music. Edwin and my bodies sway as one, so it is easy to forget everything. I let lose everything I’ve been holding in. I feel the darkness fade from inside me and a light replaces it. I was actually happy to be here, surrounded by people pressed to close to me, a layer of sweat covering my body, and pressed against my fiancé.
“I am going to go get a drink,” I say as I am panting for air.
“Ok,” Edwin answers.
I walk up and grab a pop out of the cooler. Cracking it open, I drink it fiercely. I stop to take a breath and glance around. I do a double take when I see Chris dancing with another girl. He is dancing with Macy, the girl that is known as the popular whore. He seems really into it. I feel anger seep into me and hit every vain.
“What is going on girly?” I hear Claire say to me, but I don’t respond.
“What’s wrong?” She says and after a moment she sighs, “Ohh…”
“Mhm,” I manage to say and I think I can’t ever get a break can I?
“Hazel, don’t pay attention to him. Guys are idiots.”
My eyes stay fixed. Suddenly Chris looks up and sees me. He almost smiles but then frowns and looks down. He then begins to dance harder and faster.
“You asshole!” I say loud enough for him to hear.
“Hazel?” I hear Edwin’s voice now.
I snap out of it now and look at him.
“Yes!” I say in a loud and angry voice.
“I was just… wondering if you wanted to get out of here…” He says shyly.
“Gladly!” I yell and take his hand, “Claire! Take me home please!”
I stomp out of the place as quickly as possible. I don’t know why, but I am fuming. I feel mad at him. God! Why would he stoop so low to her!
“Calm down Hazel,” I hear Claire say from behind me.
“No! I can’t!” I fume.
“Someone is jealous…” I hear Claire mumble.
“I am not!” I scream at her.
I step into the car and slam the door. Looking out into the yard, I see Chris standing there staring at me.
“Hazel!” I hear him call my name.
Claire ducks down from her window, “Talk to him Hazel.”
I get out of the car and walk to the front of the car. He meets me there.
“Hazel, why did you call me that?” He says in confusion and anger.
“Why don’t you go back to dancing with Macy!? You seem to be into it!” I scream again.
“I have to live my life,” he tells me with sadness in his voice, “I can’t be with you so I have to try to find something that makes me happy. I didn’t ask to get my heart ripped out. I didn’t ask for any of this. So ya I am going to dance with Macy because I need to let loose. If I have to live without you, you have to live with me being with other girls.”
“But to stoop as low as Macy?” I ask quietly.
“It’s… temporary, Hazel.” Chris says. He reaches out his arm as if to take my hand but then stops and pulls back. A pained expression crosses his face as Edwin walks up to us.
“Hey.” Chris says and Edwin nods in acknowledgment. “I’ll see ya around.”
With that Chris walks away from me. I stare after for a second and then turn my attention to Edwin.
“I can take you home, if you would like ya know.” He says. Then he turns to Clare and says, “Or if you want to stay…”
“It’s up to Hazel.” Clare says.
“You can take me home.” I say to Edwin. “Stay here and enjoy yourself, Claire.”
“If you’re sure…” Claire hesitates. I nod and she says, “Alright… I’ll text you when I get home and we can talk if you want.”
I nod again as she walks away.
When she is gone Edwin turns to walk a little farther down the street. He tells me, “My car is just down here a ways.”
“Mkay… Just one second….” I say as I stop. I reach my hand out for his arm as I bend down and take off my heels. When I’m down, I sling the bands over one of my fingers and say, “Okay. That feels much better!”
Edwin just laughs and shakes his head at me as we start walking again. He reaches down and hesitates in shyness, then takes my hand and laces his fingers through mine. His touch is so fearful and unsure it makes me want to scream.
I take a deep breath, however, and squeeze his hand to let him know that it’s okay, that he isn’t doing anything wrong. When I do, I hear him let out a breath that it sounded like he was holding. I glance at him and it looked like is entire posture had relaxed to some degree. I smile to myself, glad that he was finally relaxing with me.
We walk in silence the rest of the way to his car. When we get to it, he walks me to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for me.
“Thank you.” I say, giving him my most flirtatious smile.
“Of course.” He responds, closing the door and walking around to the driver’s side door.
The perfect gentleman… I think to myself as he starts the car and heads towards home.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Chapter 8
The next few months pass by smoothly. Claire was really jealous when she finally found out about my new car. Chris and I spent long hours working out details for my wedding which was happening in June, but progress was slow.
It’s April and Chris is over so we can go through yet another wedding catalog. Edwin stayed after school late for help in Calculus, my parents were still at work, and Amber and Ashton were just leaving for an afternoon date.
“Bye!” I call as Amber leaves the room giving me a very suspicious look.
“Bye.” She answers.
Once she and Ashton are outside, Chris scoots closer to me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “I missed you,” he tells me.
“I missed you too.” I answer, looking up into his beautiful eyes. Silently, with a smile on both our lips, Chris leans down and kisses me gently. Our lips part and our tongues dance. Before too long we hear a gasp and a thud from near the garage door.
Chris and I jump apart and look towards the door. Amber is standing there wide mouthed, a wedding catalog on the ground under her still opened hands. After her initial shock subsided, I watch her face pass from shocked, through smug, and settle on pissed. She bends down and picks up the catalog. She walks it towards me.
“I just thought you could use this.” She says through gritted teeth, throwing the heavy catalog at me. “I thought you were really getting into this Hazel. I was excited, as we all were, to see you finally so determined and dedicated to your wedding. We thought things were finally going to work out. Don’t think I’m not going to tell Mom and Dad about this, _Sis._ Oh won’t they be just so thrilled to know their daughter, who is *engaged*, has been messing around with another boy! I would like to know what you were thinking, Hazel. You had to have realized you’d be hurting an already broken boy. Or were you just to wrapped up in your own pleasure to see the things around you? Edwin had to leave the love of his life just to be with you, Hazel. And what do you do? Throw his love away and choose someone else’s. It is sick.”
“Amber, you don’t understand!” I beg. “Please don’t tell anyone. I’ll do anything.”
“Oh you’ll pay. Trust me.” With that, she spins on her heels and storms out the door.
Once she leaves for the second time, I rest my head down on my knees. Tears stream from my eyes and small sobs escape my lips. _What was I doing? I knew I was hurting people… Was I really that selfish?_ I wasn’t sure how long I sat there but eventually, I felt Chris’ comforting arms around my waist. I knew that he was silently letting me know he still cared about me and would never let me fall.
Some hours later, I dried my eyes. I stand and head to the bathroom to wash my face. Chris follows me, checking to make sure I was alright. I told him I would be fine, but then I sent him home. He left me reluctantly. Once he had gone, I clean up the living room… and then my room… and then the upstairs bathroom. The cleaning takes my mind away from the things I don’t want to face, but I know sooner or later they are going to come crashing down upon me.
I am not totally presentable when Edwin and my parents come home. My parents arrive home first and call their hellos up to me. I rush around my room trying to finish everything. Edwin opens my door too soon and he notices my tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes.
“Have you been crying?” He asks, concern laying his voice that just wants to make me puke.
“Yeah...” I answer reluctantly.
“Was it that boy, Chris? Did he hurt you?” Edwin seems very angry and he steps closer, his arms stretch out as if to embrace me but they drop to his side suddenly.
“No! It’s not that at all…” I tell him, hurt that he would come to that conclusion first. I try to think of lie I can tell him for the question I know is coming.
“Then what’s wrong?” He says the expected question.
“I just… failed a big test at school, is all… It’s really silly…” I lie.
“Oh… Well, you’re a good student. I’m sure it won’t affect your grade much.” He says. “You okay?”
When I nod he leaves, glancing over his shoulder reluctantly. I could see that my tears made him uncomfortable and he was desperate to leave. With a sigh I flop down on my bed and stare at my ceiling.
I want to scream. I want hear his voice and feel his touch. It’s so wrong for me to feel this way. What I have done is wrong. I can’t stop my feelings for him. I am a terrible person. Banging my hand on the pillow. I hear a tap on the door and it starts to open. I cover my face in the pillow as someone walks in.
“Hey,” I hear Amber’s voice.
“What?” I grouch back, “Come in here to tell me that you have told everyone and now my life is a living hell.” I sit up and face her. Her expression turns to a frown when she sees my face, “Or how what I am doing is wrong. What I am feeling is wrong. Well go right ahead Amber!”
She remains silent. Just looking at me. My anger towards myself and her grows.
“What do you want Amber!”
“I haven’t told anyone! I won’t either, but your not going to get out of this with a free pass.”
My feelings should be punishment enough.
“I can’t help my feelings!”
“Well you can sure as hell control them better.”
“You don’t understand!”
“How do I not? Edwin has put all he has towards you and you push yourself to another guy! Don’t tell me I don’t understand!”
My tears fill completely to the point where I can’t make out her face.
“You don’t understand my feelings Amber!”
“What is there to understand? You just control how you give out your feelings!” I scream and let my head hit the pillow.
“Go away!” I yell to her.
“But…” Her voice suddenly sounds sympathetic.
“I don’t care if you tell mom or dad or Edwin. Go ahead!”
She doesn’t say a word, just walks out. I stay in my room the rest of the night. Telling my parents I didn’t feel well enough to eat dinner. I fall asleep still crying and feeling completely alone.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm. I look over to Amber who looks at me then gets out of bed without a word. Just before she walks out the door she stops and stares. She almost says something but then stops.
“I haven’t told anyone, that should be punishment enough,” She says flatly and walks out.
I stand slowly, feeling as if every muscle in my body hated me today. I drag my feet as I get ready for school. I stand in front of my open closet door for at least ten minutes trying to decide what to wear. Finally, I grab my favorite sweatpants and a simple tee shirt.
I grab a breakfast bar on my way out to my car, late as it was. Edwin is waiting for me in the passenger seat.
“Morning.” He says as I sit down and get settled.
“Morning…” I mumble back. Today was so not going to be my day.
The months and days blur into one. Amber is right. Her not spreading my little secret to everyone she knew was plenty punishment. I’ve stopped seeing Chris, and asked Claire to take of the Maid of Honor duties. Also, the guilt of what I’d done is gnawing away at my mind. Every touch from Edwin reminds me of Chris and it is taking all my strength not to go to him.
Most days I feel like crawling into some remote whole and just staying there for a good long while. Of course I can’t do this because my days are filled with school work and wedding plans. Claire comes over every day after school and most weekends to help me. She has taken if upon herself to make this the best wedding in the history of weddings. I just sit and smile and take it all in, trying my hardest to care even remotely.
Some days, I have fleeting thoughts… they scare me, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m not slipping into a depression. As the days go on, I find it harder and harder to keep up the appearance of being happy. I haven’t felt joy in my heart or had a smile reach my eyes in weeks. Shortly, thoughts of ending this guilt and dread frequented my mind.
And, as was likely, people noticed.
“Are you paying attention?” Claire asks; bring me back from my thoughts of my might-be-depression.
“Yeah. White. That would be best.” I tell her, trying my best to smile.
Claire nods and eyes me wearily. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” I answer.
“Hazel… I’m worried about you.” She tells me. There is caring in her voice and in her eyes. I can see just how much she loves me just from the way she looks at me. Yet, strangely, I can’t find the part of me that cares about that. I can’t fathom why she should love me as she does, but then I remember that she doesn’t know what I had done to Edwin.
I smile a small, tired, sad smile and sigh. “Don’t. I’m fine. Really.”
“Okayyy…” She says slowly, but then she thankfully returns to the planning.
I close my eyes and open them again, "I'm not fine. I'm not."
Tears fill my eyes and she looks up at me.
"Hazel!" She comes up to me and hugs me.
"Something is wrong, Claire. You wouldn't understand if I told you. You would hate me," I say as the tears roll down.
"Nothing in the world would make me hate you. I can try to understand and I want to help. Please tell me what has made you this way."
I tell her the whole story, Start to finish. When Chris took me the lake for the first time. The first time we kissed. Part of the time I can't even look at her cause I was to afraid of what she thinks. I tell her about how Amber found out and how guilty I feel. When I finish I slowly look up at her. Her face is emotionless. I prepare for the worst, shouldn't have told her.
"Claire?" I finally say after a long silence.
"Seems like you have been through a lot."
"Ya, I'm sorry I didn't tell you at first. I didn't want you to think of me any differently."
"I don't think of you any differently, Hazel. I knew that you liked him, but I didn't know this. I still think your the same kind and caring person. How guilty you feel shows that. I love ya girl, no matter how cared away you got."
I smile for the first time in months and Claire notices. She smiles too and there is a moment of silence again.
"Hazel, I know this marriage isn't exactly what you want, but you have to make the best of it. You can't miss out on all the possible good times by how you feel. So lets just get through this wedding and I will hold you up every step of the way."
Her smile is reassuring and I hug her.
It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Claire and I sit on my living room floor for another hour or so. I just lean against her shoulder and we talk. There were no more wedding plans, or things to make me realize my childhood was ending too soon and my future coming behind at full throttle. Claire and I talk and laugh and just enjoy ourselves like old times until she has to go home.
“Do you want to come over for dinner?” She asks me as we are standing in my front doorway.
“Yeah…” I say, hesitating a minute. “It would be nice to get out of this house.”
Claire just nods like she understands. I write a note for my parents telling them where I was and when I would be home so they don’t freak out on me and then follow Claire out to her car.
“There is a party tonight if you want to go to that…” She tells me, not sure what I was up to.
I wasn’t exactly sure what I was up to either at that moment, but I figured I should ride this happiness high while it lasted.
“Sure.” I say, nodding my head just once. I made a promise to myself right there and then that I would do my best to make the most of my situation. Meaning no more moping around acting like my life sucked.
We get to her house and eat dinner. Claire is an excellent cook because it is just her and her dad, who works late a lot of the time. I help where I can, but Claire has learned I am horrible at cooking anything. After dinner, I do the dishes to make myself useful while Claire picks out clothes for me to borrow.
I walk upstairs and find a gorgeous outfit laying on her bed waiting for me. I highly doubt that it’ll look even halfway as decent actually on me, but it was worth a try. I threw on the baby blue halter top and the midnight black mini skirt she paired with it for me and meet her in her bathroom.
She is wearing a pink low-cut, halter mini dress that shows off her tattoo on her right shoulder blade. I gaze at it for a minute and remember her begging me to get one with her the year before. Her dad found out about it a few months later and she got grounded, but she swears it was worth it.
“Here.” She says, seeing me in the mirror and tossing me some silver, shimmer eye shadow. I put it on carefully, having learned that if I don’t do it perfectly, Claire will redo, and overdo, it.
We finish our make-up and head out to the car, having done this plenty of times before.
It’s April and Chris is over so we can go through yet another wedding catalog. Edwin stayed after school late for help in Calculus, my parents were still at work, and Amber and Ashton were just leaving for an afternoon date.
“Bye!” I call as Amber leaves the room giving me a very suspicious look.
“Bye.” She answers.
Once she and Ashton are outside, Chris scoots closer to me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “I missed you,” he tells me.
“I missed you too.” I answer, looking up into his beautiful eyes. Silently, with a smile on both our lips, Chris leans down and kisses me gently. Our lips part and our tongues dance. Before too long we hear a gasp and a thud from near the garage door.
Chris and I jump apart and look towards the door. Amber is standing there wide mouthed, a wedding catalog on the ground under her still opened hands. After her initial shock subsided, I watch her face pass from shocked, through smug, and settle on pissed. She bends down and picks up the catalog. She walks it towards me.
“I just thought you could use this.” She says through gritted teeth, throwing the heavy catalog at me. “I thought you were really getting into this Hazel. I was excited, as we all were, to see you finally so determined and dedicated to your wedding. We thought things were finally going to work out. Don’t think I’m not going to tell Mom and Dad about this, _Sis._ Oh won’t they be just so thrilled to know their daughter, who is *engaged*, has been messing around with another boy! I would like to know what you were thinking, Hazel. You had to have realized you’d be hurting an already broken boy. Or were you just to wrapped up in your own pleasure to see the things around you? Edwin had to leave the love of his life just to be with you, Hazel. And what do you do? Throw his love away and choose someone else’s. It is sick.”
“Amber, you don’t understand!” I beg. “Please don’t tell anyone. I’ll do anything.”
“Oh you’ll pay. Trust me.” With that, she spins on her heels and storms out the door.
Once she leaves for the second time, I rest my head down on my knees. Tears stream from my eyes and small sobs escape my lips. _What was I doing? I knew I was hurting people… Was I really that selfish?_ I wasn’t sure how long I sat there but eventually, I felt Chris’ comforting arms around my waist. I knew that he was silently letting me know he still cared about me and would never let me fall.
Some hours later, I dried my eyes. I stand and head to the bathroom to wash my face. Chris follows me, checking to make sure I was alright. I told him I would be fine, but then I sent him home. He left me reluctantly. Once he had gone, I clean up the living room… and then my room… and then the upstairs bathroom. The cleaning takes my mind away from the things I don’t want to face, but I know sooner or later they are going to come crashing down upon me.
I am not totally presentable when Edwin and my parents come home. My parents arrive home first and call their hellos up to me. I rush around my room trying to finish everything. Edwin opens my door too soon and he notices my tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes.
“Have you been crying?” He asks, concern laying his voice that just wants to make me puke.
“Yeah...” I answer reluctantly.
“Was it that boy, Chris? Did he hurt you?” Edwin seems very angry and he steps closer, his arms stretch out as if to embrace me but they drop to his side suddenly.
“No! It’s not that at all…” I tell him, hurt that he would come to that conclusion first. I try to think of lie I can tell him for the question I know is coming.
“Then what’s wrong?” He says the expected question.
“I just… failed a big test at school, is all… It’s really silly…” I lie.
“Oh… Well, you’re a good student. I’m sure it won’t affect your grade much.” He says. “You okay?”
When I nod he leaves, glancing over his shoulder reluctantly. I could see that my tears made him uncomfortable and he was desperate to leave. With a sigh I flop down on my bed and stare at my ceiling.
I want to scream. I want hear his voice and feel his touch. It’s so wrong for me to feel this way. What I have done is wrong. I can’t stop my feelings for him. I am a terrible person. Banging my hand on the pillow. I hear a tap on the door and it starts to open. I cover my face in the pillow as someone walks in.
“Hey,” I hear Amber’s voice.
“What?” I grouch back, “Come in here to tell me that you have told everyone and now my life is a living hell.” I sit up and face her. Her expression turns to a frown when she sees my face, “Or how what I am doing is wrong. What I am feeling is wrong. Well go right ahead Amber!”
She remains silent. Just looking at me. My anger towards myself and her grows.
“What do you want Amber!”
“I haven’t told anyone! I won’t either, but your not going to get out of this with a free pass.”
My feelings should be punishment enough.
“I can’t help my feelings!”
“Well you can sure as hell control them better.”
“You don’t understand!”
“How do I not? Edwin has put all he has towards you and you push yourself to another guy! Don’t tell me I don’t understand!”
My tears fill completely to the point where I can’t make out her face.
“You don’t understand my feelings Amber!”
“What is there to understand? You just control how you give out your feelings!” I scream and let my head hit the pillow.
“Go away!” I yell to her.
“But…” Her voice suddenly sounds sympathetic.
“I don’t care if you tell mom or dad or Edwin. Go ahead!”
She doesn’t say a word, just walks out. I stay in my room the rest of the night. Telling my parents I didn’t feel well enough to eat dinner. I fall asleep still crying and feeling completely alone.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm. I look over to Amber who looks at me then gets out of bed without a word. Just before she walks out the door she stops and stares. She almost says something but then stops.
“I haven’t told anyone, that should be punishment enough,” She says flatly and walks out.
I stand slowly, feeling as if every muscle in my body hated me today. I drag my feet as I get ready for school. I stand in front of my open closet door for at least ten minutes trying to decide what to wear. Finally, I grab my favorite sweatpants and a simple tee shirt.
I grab a breakfast bar on my way out to my car, late as it was. Edwin is waiting for me in the passenger seat.
“Morning.” He says as I sit down and get settled.
“Morning…” I mumble back. Today was so not going to be my day.
The months and days blur into one. Amber is right. Her not spreading my little secret to everyone she knew was plenty punishment. I’ve stopped seeing Chris, and asked Claire to take of the Maid of Honor duties. Also, the guilt of what I’d done is gnawing away at my mind. Every touch from Edwin reminds me of Chris and it is taking all my strength not to go to him.
Most days I feel like crawling into some remote whole and just staying there for a good long while. Of course I can’t do this because my days are filled with school work and wedding plans. Claire comes over every day after school and most weekends to help me. She has taken if upon herself to make this the best wedding in the history of weddings. I just sit and smile and take it all in, trying my hardest to care even remotely.
Some days, I have fleeting thoughts… they scare me, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m not slipping into a depression. As the days go on, I find it harder and harder to keep up the appearance of being happy. I haven’t felt joy in my heart or had a smile reach my eyes in weeks. Shortly, thoughts of ending this guilt and dread frequented my mind.
And, as was likely, people noticed.
“Are you paying attention?” Claire asks; bring me back from my thoughts of my might-be-depression.
“Yeah. White. That would be best.” I tell her, trying my best to smile.
Claire nods and eyes me wearily. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” I answer.
“Hazel… I’m worried about you.” She tells me. There is caring in her voice and in her eyes. I can see just how much she loves me just from the way she looks at me. Yet, strangely, I can’t find the part of me that cares about that. I can’t fathom why she should love me as she does, but then I remember that she doesn’t know what I had done to Edwin.
I smile a small, tired, sad smile and sigh. “Don’t. I’m fine. Really.”
“Okayyy…” She says slowly, but then she thankfully returns to the planning.
I close my eyes and open them again, "I'm not fine. I'm not."
Tears fill my eyes and she looks up at me.
"Hazel!" She comes up to me and hugs me.
"Something is wrong, Claire. You wouldn't understand if I told you. You would hate me," I say as the tears roll down.
"Nothing in the world would make me hate you. I can try to understand and I want to help. Please tell me what has made you this way."
I tell her the whole story, Start to finish. When Chris took me the lake for the first time. The first time we kissed. Part of the time I can't even look at her cause I was to afraid of what she thinks. I tell her about how Amber found out and how guilty I feel. When I finish I slowly look up at her. Her face is emotionless. I prepare for the worst, shouldn't have told her.
"Claire?" I finally say after a long silence.
"Seems like you have been through a lot."
"Ya, I'm sorry I didn't tell you at first. I didn't want you to think of me any differently."
"I don't think of you any differently, Hazel. I knew that you liked him, but I didn't know this. I still think your the same kind and caring person. How guilty you feel shows that. I love ya girl, no matter how cared away you got."
I smile for the first time in months and Claire notices. She smiles too and there is a moment of silence again.
"Hazel, I know this marriage isn't exactly what you want, but you have to make the best of it. You can't miss out on all the possible good times by how you feel. So lets just get through this wedding and I will hold you up every step of the way."
Her smile is reassuring and I hug her.
It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Claire and I sit on my living room floor for another hour or so. I just lean against her shoulder and we talk. There were no more wedding plans, or things to make me realize my childhood was ending too soon and my future coming behind at full throttle. Claire and I talk and laugh and just enjoy ourselves like old times until she has to go home.
“Do you want to come over for dinner?” She asks me as we are standing in my front doorway.
“Yeah…” I say, hesitating a minute. “It would be nice to get out of this house.”
Claire just nods like she understands. I write a note for my parents telling them where I was and when I would be home so they don’t freak out on me and then follow Claire out to her car.
“There is a party tonight if you want to go to that…” She tells me, not sure what I was up to.
I wasn’t exactly sure what I was up to either at that moment, but I figured I should ride this happiness high while it lasted.
“Sure.” I say, nodding my head just once. I made a promise to myself right there and then that I would do my best to make the most of my situation. Meaning no more moping around acting like my life sucked.
We get to her house and eat dinner. Claire is an excellent cook because it is just her and her dad, who works late a lot of the time. I help where I can, but Claire has learned I am horrible at cooking anything. After dinner, I do the dishes to make myself useful while Claire picks out clothes for me to borrow.
I walk upstairs and find a gorgeous outfit laying on her bed waiting for me. I highly doubt that it’ll look even halfway as decent actually on me, but it was worth a try. I threw on the baby blue halter top and the midnight black mini skirt she paired with it for me and meet her in her bathroom.
She is wearing a pink low-cut, halter mini dress that shows off her tattoo on her right shoulder blade. I gaze at it for a minute and remember her begging me to get one with her the year before. Her dad found out about it a few months later and she got grounded, but she swears it was worth it.
“Here.” She says, seeing me in the mirror and tossing me some silver, shimmer eye shadow. I put it on carefully, having learned that if I don’t do it perfectly, Claire will redo, and overdo, it.
We finish our make-up and head out to the car, having done this plenty of times before.
Chapter 7
The next few days pass by slowly. I spend most of my time with Edwin, feeling horrible ever minute of it. When I can get away, Chris and I are together. He takes me to random places in a town or two away. I love every minute of it, no matter where he takes me.
Christmas Eve day is hectic. Amber and I are having a party tonight in celebration. We spend the entire morning with the boys cleaning our basement up. We dust and vacuum and decorate. We set up a little tree in one corner where all our presents for our friends sit.
When we finish, we all grab lunch and then Amber and I steel away to get ready for the night. The two of us are dressing nice since we are the hostesses. Amber has a simple green sweater dress that goes down to her thighs and I have a golden halter neck dress that flows down to my knees. We do our hair and make-up and finish just in time for the first guest to arrive.
The boys had finished setting up the basement for us. Amber gets the door and I head downstairs to double check everything real quick. All the lights are off except the Christmas lights we strung along the basement walls. I flip on the music and walk over to sit next to Edwin.
He kisses my hair and whispers in my ear, “You look gorgeous, like always.”
“Thanks.” I say, smiling at him. When I look back towards the stairs, I see Amber walking down with Chris following close behind. My smile falls from my face for an instant and is replaced just as quickly with an even bigger smile. I fight the urge to run over to him and kiss him. Instead my hand jumps to my neck where his necklace rests against my chest.
He sees me put my hand there and grins wide. I stand up and flip back my hair.
“Hey,” he says
I feel Edwin put his arm around my hip and Chris’s smile falls.
“Hey, Chris.” Edwin shakes his hand.
“Hello. You guys ready to party?” He says keeping his cool.
“Heck ya,” I say in excitement, “ya know I am going to go greet people.”
I walk away without another word and walk up the stairs. I feel someone’s hand touch mine for a short moment and turn my head. Chris is grinning at me.
“I couldn’t help myself you look so beautiful,” He whispers in my ear and I walk towards the door pretending to be un phased by what just happened.
“Thank you, did you hear the rumors going around?” I whisper to him.
“Hey, hope you have fun at my party,” I say to a friend.
“Ya, I am ignoring them though,” he whispers to me.
“What do we do about them,” I whisper back.
“Keep ignoring them. Hopefully they will go away,” He tells me.
Chris and I greet people until it seems as though everyone arrives and we go downstairs. Amber has turned up the music even more and everyone has started dancing. Edwin sees me and runs to grab my hand. I look back at Chris as Edwin leads me to the group of people dancing.
“Dance with me!?”
“Of course!” I yell over the music.
I let the music take me but look over at Chris and his face makes me miss a beat. It is broken inside in out. You could tell he was holding something in and so was I. We are both holding in the truth. We are both holding in our feelings. We are holding in our urge to be with each other. I mouth a ‘I’m sorry’ to him.
“What’s wrong?” I hear in my ear.
I notice I have stopped dancing.
“Oh sorry,” I say and dance really hard like nothing is bothering me.
After a few more songs, Edwin pulls away from me. He has sweat on his brow and is breathing heavily. I notice Chris push off the wall and make a bee line towards me.
“I’m really tired…” Edwin pants. I’m about to respond when Chris cuts in.
“Would you mind if I take over from here?” He asks politely.
“Knock yourself out…” Edwin tells him, gesturing at me with his arm.
He walks away towards the drinks, but I barely notice. Chris slips his arms around my waist and I hear him take a deep breath and exhale on my neck. Is closeness combined with the scent and feel of him send shivers down my spine. I lean into him and our bodies move as one. He is the only other person in the room to me. I hear him moan softly, almost inaudibly, behind me and I smile… knowing he wants to do more then just dance with me. I want so badly to feel his lips against the skin on my neck.
We dance harder and my heart beat picks up even more speed. Soon, I’m gasping for breath and I need to stop. I pull from Chris reluctantly and turn to face him. I smile at him and see he is just as out of breath as I am. “Thanks” I mouth and as I walk away, I feel his fingers brush my hand ever so gently. I gasp a little but manage to keep my face straight and continue walking.
I walk up stairs, giving Edwin the one minute sign as he shoots me a questioning look. I go to our upstairs bathroom and take a deep breath after I’m safely locked inside. I push my hair out of my face and stare at the face in the mirror. The girl I saw was a cheater and a liar… not the good girl I’ve known all my life.
I grab the hair tie from my wrist and tie up my hair, not wanting to deal with it anymore. I splash some cold water on my face, careful not to smudge my eye make-up. Once I look semi decent again I head back to my basement.
“You okay?” Edwin asks, wrapping me up in his arms when he sees me return.
“Yeah, just needed to cool down is all.” I say, letting out a sigh of what I hoped sounded like relief.
The party continues and everyone has a blast. Secret Santa is a blast, with some very odd five dollar gifts being exchanged. I end up with a huge candle and Edwin gets a deck of cards. By the end of the night, I’m having such a good time I forget about not being with the one I love.
“This was amazing!” Claire squeals, hugging me as she goes to leave.
“It really was.” Chris tells me, stepping up and hugging me after Claire leaves. I squeeze him just a little tighter and hold him close to me just a fraction of a second longer then everyone else, not ever wanting to let him go.
“Thanks.” I smile.
Amber, the boys, and I are taking turns saying goodbye to people and cleaning up the basement. Our friends were all pretty good about not spilling anything, but there are cups of pop and plates of pizza all over the place.
Once everyone is out and the basement all cleaned up we say goodnight to our parents and head to our room.
As soon as I close the door behind Amber and I she states, “I saw you with Chris tonight.”
“And?” I ask wondering what she thought.
“You guys look so cute together. You too just fit… but…” Her face looks defeated, like she didn’t know exactly how to tell me I was a fool for dancing with him.
“I know, I know I am marrying Edwin, but I am falling for him Amber! I just can’t help myself! I feel like a cheater!” Tears start to fill my eyes.
“Hazel, you can’t fight the way you feel. This is a really tough situation.”
“Ya”
It is left at that. She comes and sits next to me and gives me a shoulder to cry on. We both stay like that until we start to fall asleep then we both go to bed. I slip into a deep sleep, forgeting the fact that Christmas is in the morning.
I am running in a forest. To where, I don’t know but I am running. I see someone in the distance and run faster. As I get closer I see it is Chris and I run even faster. I get to him and he takes my hand. We are all smiles. Suddenly his smile falls and turns to a hurtful frown. Tears start to fall from my face and he just shakes his head. He lets go of my hands and walks away. I call after him but no answer. I yell even more and fall to my knees. I feel as though my world is crashing. Everything is spinning as I scream even more…”
I wake up screaming and tears are falling down my face. Amber runs to me and hugs me.
“Its ok, just a dream.”
“A dream that may become reality,” I say in between sobs.
“What happened in your dream?”
“I ran after Chris and he walked away. I called for him, but he did not answer. He was gone.”
“Aww, that is a nightmare,”
She hugs me a couple of moments longer then leaves me to try to fall back asleep. I stay awake, not wanting the dream to come back. I don’t want that dream to ever come true, but it may. What is going to happen when I can’t kiss him anymore because I am married? What if Edwin finds out what I am doing? I can not stay away from Chris, but I have a duty to my family. Don’t I?
“Hazel?” I hear my name whispered in my ear as gently fingers brush my hair from my face. It feels like I have just fallen asleep after my nightmare.
“Hmm?” I groan, rolling over and stretching.
“Good Morning.” The voice says again and I realize its Edwin’s.
“Morning…” I respond automatically, still waking up.
“I have a surprise for you.” He tells me, gently moving the covers from me. He takes my hand and helps me stand. I’m still groggy, so I cling to him for a minute until I’ve steadied myself. When I’m okay, he leads me by the hand to our front door. As he flings open the front door he calls, “Merry Christmas!”
I gasp as I see a blue corvette sitting in our driveway with freshly fallen snow on the ground around it. There is a huge bow stuck to the top of it, just like you see in all the commercials. The whole scene looked straight from a magazine. I’m caught between crying at having such an amazing car and laughing at how ridiculous it seems to be getting a car for Christmas. I immediately feel silly about what I got Edwin, but I hoped he didn’t mind that I didn’t pay thousands of dollars for it.
“Oh thank you!” I gush, finally remembering how to speak. I throw my arms around Edwin’s neck and kiss him. He laughs at my obvious excitement and pushes me back, jingling the keys for me to take.
I grab them and run to my car like a little kid. I run my hand along the shiny paint and hold my breath as I get inside. I notice that it is a convertible and I squeal in delight. I run my hand delicately, lovingly along the interior. I absolutely love this and I couldn’t wait to show it off!
When I’ve had my fill, I walk back inside locking my car behind me. Everyone has moved to the living room near our tree and I join them, taking my place next to Edwin.
“Ready for some presents?” My mom asks. We all nod as she gets up and starts passing out the gifts from under the tree.
We are all laughing and having a good time with gifts and such. All six of us were still in our pajamas and we would stay that way for most of the day. The boys cook breakfast once we were had opened all the presents. Mom, Amber, and I clean up all the wrapping paper and straightened up the living room while we wait.
“Breakfast!” My dad calls and we all head to the kitchen for a huge breakfast.
We all eat breakfast. We are all really loud and laughing, until I hear something that reminds me of my nightmare. That then reminds me of Chris. I feel what happened in the nightmare weighing on me like it really happened. I have to fight back the tears and I just stare at me food.
“Can I please be excused?” I ask randomly.
Everyone stops talking and just stares at me in a confused faces.
“Sure honey,” my mom says.
I get up without another word and head to my room. I close the door and lock it behind me. Flipping open my phone I dial Chris’s number. He picks up immediately.
“Hey, merry Christmas!” He yells in my ear.
“Merry Christmas…” I mumble to him.
“What is wrong?” You can hear his voice change.
“I had a nightmare last night.”
“It’s just a nightmare Hazel. It’s not going to come true.”
“I know. I just wanted to call to make sure it didn’t.”
“Oh so it was about me?”
“Ya…”
“What happened?”
“Um, you left me and never wanted to see me again.”
“Hazel I could never not want to see you again.”
“But, what happens when… I’m married”
He signs and the phone is silent.
“I don’t want to think about that, I just want to spend the time I have left with you right now.”
“Me too, but what about when…”
“Hazel, let’s not think about that… please?”
“Ok… when can I see you next?”
“Now?” He asks, hope thick in his voice.
“Uh, sure… well… give me 20 minutes to get ready? And I’ll come get you.” I smile.
“What? You got a car?!” He exclaims.
“Yup.” I say excitedly. “Christmas present from Edwin.”
“Damn… The boy must have some money…” Chris mumbles, a hint of jealousy in his voice.
I lower my voice and say, “Awe, Chris… I liked your gift better… a lot better… if that makes you feel any better…”
“Really?” He asks softly.
“Yes, much much better!” I tell him.
“Alright.” He amends, “I’ll see you soon then.”
We hang up and I get dressed in a hurry. I rush downstairs and then calm myself. I ask my parents if I can go show a couple friends my new car. They agree but only because I promise to be home within the hour since we were leaving for my family’s house then.
I breeze out the door and into my new car. I take a deep breath of that new car smell before starting the engine. I flip through the radio channels as I take off towards Chris’ house. He doesn’t live very far and I pull up in his driveway a few minutes later.
I turn off the car and remind myself to breathe as I walk up to his front door. I ring the door bell and I hear some hushed voices from inside. Seconds later, Chris is walking through his front door.
“Hey.” He says, looking a little tired. I glance back inside and he notices. “You heard that?”
“Well… I heard something…” I admit. “But I couldn’t understand anything…”
“Mom and I… disagree on some things.” He tells me, his expression a little pained.
“Awe… I’m sorry.” I say, as I follow him to my car.
He stops as he looks up to see my new car. “Damn!”
I laugh nervously, “What?”
“_This_ is the car he bought you?!” He exclaims.
“Yeah…” I admit sheepishly.
“Sheesh… the boy does have some money then.” Chris says as he gets in on the passenger side.
I just nod as I move around to the other side of the car and get in.
“So where to now?” I ask, turning on the car to keep warm.
“Let’s just go to the lake. I can be with you long,” He tells me with a frown on his face.
“Neither can I. Ya, lets just do that.”
My hand reaches over to put the car in drive and his hand touches mine. I heart skips a beat. He grasps it hard.
“I have wanted to hold your hand terribly,” He looks into my eyes.
I get lost into his and my feelings start to overcome me again. His other hand strokes my cheek and that sets me off. I reach over and his lips meet mine. He kisses me back and we both grin wide.
“Let’s go,” I say.
His hand is on top of mine when I put the car into drive. Chris shows me the way until we get to a familiar road, then I know the rest of the way. Half the time I loose focus to what he is saying because I can feel his hand stroking mine. I have to try really hard just to focus on the road. Its even worse when he decides to look at me. I huff in frustration because all I want to do is get lost in his eyes.
“What is wrong?” He notices.
“Thank goodness we are almost there,” I say with a heavy sigh.
He laughs and we pull up to the lake. I get out of the car and he runs to grab my hand.
“Dork,” I laugh.
“True true,” He laughs back.
We walk up then stand there in silence looking over the lake. He lets go of my hand and runs over a distance. By the time I turn my head to ask him where he was going, a snowball hits my shoulder.
“Stop!” I yell.
He hits me again.
“Oh now your going to get it!” I laugh and make a snow ball.
“Bring it on!” He taunts me.
We laugh and throw snowballs at each other for awhile. Soon, I collapse on the ground in laughter, having just nailed Chris in the face my accident. He walks over to where I lay on the ground and shakes his head over me like a dog.
“Stop it!” I laugh.
“No!” He laughs back.
“Ugh.” I groan as I shield my face from the melted snow flying off his hair. He laughs at me some more and then stops to help me up.
“Here.” He says, offering his hands to me. I take them and he pulls me to my feet and then in his arms. He wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. I can feel the desperation underlying his happiness, knowing we can never really be together.
I sigh and lean into for a moment. I will myself not to cry and to hold back the tears that threatened to spill because of my uncontrollable desire to have him and no one else. I pull away from him and, with my voice and eyes layered with regret, I say, “I should be getting home…”
“I was afraid you’d say that at one point…” Chris responds, dropping his arms from around me but taking one of my hands in his as we begin walking towards my car. When we get there, despite the cold, Chris takes off his jacket and shakes off all the snow. I give him a questioning look and he answers, “I wouldn’t want to get snow in your brand new car!”
“Thanks, but it’s really alright… Shouldn’t do too much damage…” I tell him. He shrugs and puts his jacket back on before getting in the car. I get in right behind him and start the car immediately to get the heat going. I haven’t realized until just now just how frozen every inch of my body was.
As the heat flooded the car and heated my blood again, feeling returned to my limbs and with it, the pain of being so cold for so long.
“Here, lemme help.” Chris says, reaching over and taking my still numb fingers and wrapping his hands completely around mine.
“Thanks.” I say. We sit like this for a minute, him holding my hands and gazing into my eyes.
Once my hands feel warm again, he drops them and I start for his home. Along the way, we sing plenty of songs at the top of our lungs. We laugh and tease the whole way home. I am enjoying myself just so completely that I forget about who was waiting for me back home. It ends all too soon when we read Chris’ house.
“You could come in for a minute…. If you’d like…” Chris offers, suddenly looking really nervous.
I glance at the clock and figure I could spare some time. I answer brightly, “Sure!”
We get out of the car together. As we are walking to his front door, Chris warns, “My parents are a little… off… and my room’s a bit of a mess…”
I laugh lightly at the last bit. “No worries.” I assure him.
He drops my hand as he opens the door. Stepping inside he calls, “Mom, Dad, I’m home!”
“Okay, hunny!” A very feminine voice answers him.
“Let’s go upstairs.” He tells me, taking my hand again and leading me to a staircase. He leads me up and then right down a long hall, stopping at the last door. As he opens it, he says gesturing, “This is my room.”
“Your room is huge!” I gasp, walking in and looking all around.
The walls are all blue, with a huge window and window seat on the wall directly across from me. I take in his dresser to the right of me with random things thrown about it. Next to this is a nice desk with a cork board filled with papers on the wall above it. On the other side of the room is his huge bed with a blue comforter on it. On the bedside table are some more random things along with a box of tissues and an alarm clock. His closet door was open to reveal a huge walk in space.
He shrugs his shoulders and sits down on the edge of his bed. “It’s not bad.”
“You like the color blue?” I say playfully.
“It’s my absolute favorite color.” He answers smiling, his eyes watching me.
I nod and walk over to his window and gave out. His room looks out on a bunch of trees that formed the forest behind his house. The trees were all beautifully covered with fresh snow. The whole scene was simply breath taking.
“Wow… That’s gorgeous!” I gush, glancing back out the window before joining Chris on his bed.
“So are you.” He replies.
I blush a light red, “Thanks.”
I lie back on his bed and then almost instantly jump up.
“What?” Chris asks, looking startled.
“My jeans are all wet!” I exclaim, looking and feeling extremely guilty.
He laughs and stands up, pulling me close to him. “It’s alright.”
I sigh as I breathe him in, enjoying his closeness. When he pulls away I notice his clock. “Crap! I have to go!”
“Right now?”
“Yeah… I’m sorry, Chris. I’ll call you when I can.” I promise.
“Bye.”
“Bye!” I wave at him and take off down the stairs and out the door. I rush to my car and head home. I get home in less time then it took me to get to Chris’ earlier today. I slow myself down as I get out of my car back home. With deliberate slowness, I walk inside.
“I’m home!” I call.
My mom walks by, a very unpleasant look on her face. Her lips are pursed and her posture is tight. She tells me, “We are leaving in ten minutes. Hurry up.”
I nod and then escape the accusing glance she is giving me by rushing upstairs. Amber is in our room just finishing getting ready.
“What happened to you?!” She exclaims. “Fall in the snow?”
“Yeah, kinda.” I tell her, already pealing off my wet clothing. I put on a knee length black skirt and a new long-sleeve baby blue blouse. Amber shakes her head at me as I pull my hair out of its wet pony tail. I ignore her as I leave for the bathroom.
I run a brush through my blonde hair before getting out my hair dryer. I quickly dry my damp hair and tie it off to the side in a low pony tail. I return to my room and put on my basic make-up, cover up and eye liner.
“Come on girls!” My mom calls up the stairs.
I take one more look in the mirror and my necklace flashes. A sudden thought hits me. I forgot to give Chris his gift! I flip open my phone and text Chris:
I 4got 2 giv u ur xmas gift! I am so sry!
I run down the stairs and immediately get a text back.
No prob =)
I smile.
I will call u when I get home and then I will come 2 ur house.
k =)
I smile again and put on my jacket. The whole time I am at my grandmother’s house all I can think about is Chris. I can’t wait to see the expression on his face when he sees his gift.
My family is all crowed around Edwin and Ashton questioning them about England and how rich they are. I fidget up and down the whole time and open my gifts from the rest of my family really fast. Every half hour feels like two hours. When we finally get into the car to go home, I grin wide. The car ride home feels extra long and I crank up my ipod to drown everything out. I then flashback to all the times me and him sing in the car together. I smile again and finally we arrive inside the house. I run to my room without a word and call up Chris.
“I’m home and now I’m on my way!” I yell into the phone.
“Whoa! Ok,” he laughs.
“See ya soon” I say in a sweet voice.
“Can’t wait,” he says and I hang up.
I open my door and there is Edwin standing in the doorway.
“What’s up?” I say.
“Going somewhere?” He questions.
“Ya, I forgot to give my friend her gift.” I lie.
“Oh, well be back soon,” he smiles and kisses me on the cheek.
He walks away and I pound down the stairs almost missing a step.
“I’m going out to give a gift to a friend that I forgot about!” I yell to my parents.
“Ok, but…” I hear something muffled as I shut the door and unlock my car.
I look around and it’s pitch black. I open my phone and check the time. It’s nine thirty, oh well. Going into my car, I start the car, and turn on the heat. Looking in the back seat, I see the gift that I had forgotten before. I shake my head. Driving quickly to his house, I sing loudly to some Christmas music as if Chris is there singing along with me. I pull up the drive way, I grab my gift and walk to the door. Just before I knock, the door opens and Chris grins wide.
“Hey,” he sounds out of breath.
“Hey,” I grin back.
“Come in,” He says and takes my hand.
He leads me to his room and shuts the door.
“Here you go!” I say in excitement and hand him his gift.
He tares open the wrapping paper to reveal a photo in a frame. It’s a picture of me and him from the time we went to that store in the village. We have our silly hats on and our silly faces.
“This is amazing! It’s us from that trip to the village.” He says laughing.
“Ya,” I laugh back.
“Thank you so much, it’s so thoughtful.” He sets it on his bed and kisses me lightly.
I feel his kiss explode inside of me, in every inch of my body. Every time his lips touch mine, it feels like the very first kiss all over again. Time stops moving and there is only him and me, nothing else matters. I take half a step closer to him, pressing my body against his. He wraps his arms around my waist and I bring my hands up and wrap one around his neck and the other through his hair.
Suddenly, his kiss changes into something else. I can feel his greed and longing in his kiss. My body automatically responds to his change. I push myself harder against him as his lips move greedily against mine. I move my one hand and rest it against his chests, feeling his racing heart beneath my palm. He wraps one arm tighter, shifting my shirt so he is touching the skin on my waist. The feeling of his skin on mine sends shivers down my spine, and a small, almost inaudible moan of pleasure escapes my lips.
He hears me and slowly, almost cautiously, parts my lips with his. He slips his tongue in my mouth, brushing gently against my lips first. I let my tongue dance with his. My heart rate is speeding out of control. I have never gone this far with someone before and I am extremely nervous. He doesn’t seem to notice my totally lack of experience as my body is responding to his without any conscious thought from my brain.
“Chris?” A voice calls out, knocking on the door. Immediately, we take a step back from each other and I turn to look out the window because I know my face is all flushed. Seconds later, his mom opens the door. “Oh! I didn’t know you had company…”
“It’s ok.” Chris tells her. I take a deep breath to calm my heart and turn to look at his mom. I smile a small smile, trying not to look guilty of anything.
“Hello!” She exclaims, extending her arms to me. “You must be Hazel?”
“Yeah…” I answer, hugging her in return and making a mental note to ask Chris how she knew me.
“Chris talks about you all the time. It’s nice to finally put such a beautiful face to an equally beautiful name.” She says, stepping back from me. I feel my face blush and mumble thanks. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone now.”
She leaves and Chris closes the door behind her. I sit on the bed and look at him, an amused smile on my lips. “So you talk about me a lot?”
“Well… not a lot… but I guess I’ve mentioned you here to there…” Chris mumbles, looking really embarrassed.
I giggle, and stand and wrap my arms around him, “It’s cute you tell your parents about me.”
“Really?” He asks me doubtfully.
“Mhm.” I nod. He wraps his arms around me again and looks into my eyes. Once again there is no one else in the world. I am loving the way he is just to tall where I need to stand on my tiptoes to reach his face, and the perfect way our bodies fit together, and the feel of his arms around me…
“Hey Chris?” I ask, breaking our staring spell.
“Yes,” he answers sweetly.
“Will you be my maid of honor?”
His facial expression changes to shocked.
“What?” He asks in confusion.
“You are my closest friend. This will give us a chance to spend more time together. I don’t want anyone else to do it but you. ”
“You want me to be at your side when you marry the guy you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?”
He knows just how to stump me.
“I want you to be my maid of honor. I know this is hard, but please do this for me?”
He takes a heavy sigh and there is a moment of silence. He looks into my eyes again.
“Ok, I’ll do it. I don’t have to wear a dress right?”
I laugh, “No, you don’t.”
I kiss him, “Thanks Chris, you are amazing.”
“How can I say no to you anyway?” We both laugh.
Turning off the car, I get out and walk into the house. Quietly I sneak upstairs and close my door. I take a sigh and smile. I almost completely forget that Amber is sitting on her bead looking at me suspiciously.
“Where have you been?” She asks with attitude in her voice.
“With Chris, I gave him his Christmas gift and told him I wanted him to be my maid of honor.”
Her expression changes to a smile, “Oh and why didn’t you tell me you were going to pick Chris as your maid of honor instead of Claire?”
“Chris is a better friend of mine,” I say with a wide grin.
“Oh, I am sure that is the only reason,” She says sarcastically.
“It is,” I tell her.
I hear a light tap on the door and then it opens. Edwin and Ashton walk in. Ashton comes over to Amber’s bed and starts to kiss her. I turn my head to Edwin. I must cover up any emotions for Chris.
“Hey,” I say and hug Edwin.
“You were gone for a long time, I missed you.” He says and I hide my wince.
“I just went to tell Chris I want him to be my maid of honor,” I explain. At least it’s the truth.
“Oh, a guy maid of honor. That is interesting, but anything you want.” He tells me.
I smile at this. He cares about what I want. He glances over to Ashton who is all over Amber.
“Hey, I thought you only wanted to say goodnight to her.”
They stop kissing.
“Goodnight,” Ashton tells Amber.
“Goodnight,” Amber says to Ashton and kisses him again.
Edwin turns to me. He looks into my eyes and his arms wrap around me. He comes in closer and I try not to hesitate. His kisses me hard and keeps kissing. I force myself to kiss him back. Like with Chris, I put my hand in Edwin’s hair. Edwin’s kiss becomes more intense. His lips begin to open and I wince. No, please don’t. His tongue enters and traces the roof of my mouth. Suddenly he stops kissing and looks away.
“I’m sorry.” He says in a hurt voice as he looks at the ground.
“Sorry? For what?”
“For doing that to you. I should have made sure you were ready.”
He walks out of the room and I stand about to break. Chris would have moved in and he did. I sigh and sit on my bed. I grab a pillow and throw it at Amber and Ashton. That takes out some of my anger.
“Hey,” Amber says loudly to me.
“It’s ok. I should go anyway,” he starts to standup, “Goodnight,” He tells her again.
“Goodnight,” she repeats.
He walks out and closes the door.
“So,” Amber says, “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted him to be your maid of honor? What did he say when you told him you wanted him to be your maid of honor? Was he sad? Was he happy? Did he want to do it?”
I laugh, “Because I didn’t know how you would react. He was mixed but I convinced him.”
Amber nods at me respectively, but I see the suspicion in her eyes. Quietly, I ignore this and change for bed. I lay awake on my pillow long after our light has been off. I think of the amazing sensation I felt when Chris touched me and how there was absolutely nothing behind Edwin’s. I let these thoughts drift from my mind and new ones take over. I begin thinking about how much time I’ll get to spend with Chris now that he’s my maid of honor. It all seemed perfect.
Christmas Eve day is hectic. Amber and I are having a party tonight in celebration. We spend the entire morning with the boys cleaning our basement up. We dust and vacuum and decorate. We set up a little tree in one corner where all our presents for our friends sit.
When we finish, we all grab lunch and then Amber and I steel away to get ready for the night. The two of us are dressing nice since we are the hostesses. Amber has a simple green sweater dress that goes down to her thighs and I have a golden halter neck dress that flows down to my knees. We do our hair and make-up and finish just in time for the first guest to arrive.
The boys had finished setting up the basement for us. Amber gets the door and I head downstairs to double check everything real quick. All the lights are off except the Christmas lights we strung along the basement walls. I flip on the music and walk over to sit next to Edwin.
He kisses my hair and whispers in my ear, “You look gorgeous, like always.”
“Thanks.” I say, smiling at him. When I look back towards the stairs, I see Amber walking down with Chris following close behind. My smile falls from my face for an instant and is replaced just as quickly with an even bigger smile. I fight the urge to run over to him and kiss him. Instead my hand jumps to my neck where his necklace rests against my chest.
He sees me put my hand there and grins wide. I stand up and flip back my hair.
“Hey,” he says
I feel Edwin put his arm around my hip and Chris’s smile falls.
“Hey, Chris.” Edwin shakes his hand.
“Hello. You guys ready to party?” He says keeping his cool.
“Heck ya,” I say in excitement, “ya know I am going to go greet people.”
I walk away without another word and walk up the stairs. I feel someone’s hand touch mine for a short moment and turn my head. Chris is grinning at me.
“I couldn’t help myself you look so beautiful,” He whispers in my ear and I walk towards the door pretending to be un phased by what just happened.
“Thank you, did you hear the rumors going around?” I whisper to him.
“Hey, hope you have fun at my party,” I say to a friend.
“Ya, I am ignoring them though,” he whispers to me.
“What do we do about them,” I whisper back.
“Keep ignoring them. Hopefully they will go away,” He tells me.
Chris and I greet people until it seems as though everyone arrives and we go downstairs. Amber has turned up the music even more and everyone has started dancing. Edwin sees me and runs to grab my hand. I look back at Chris as Edwin leads me to the group of people dancing.
“Dance with me!?”
“Of course!” I yell over the music.
I let the music take me but look over at Chris and his face makes me miss a beat. It is broken inside in out. You could tell he was holding something in and so was I. We are both holding in the truth. We are both holding in our feelings. We are holding in our urge to be with each other. I mouth a ‘I’m sorry’ to him.
“What’s wrong?” I hear in my ear.
I notice I have stopped dancing.
“Oh sorry,” I say and dance really hard like nothing is bothering me.
After a few more songs, Edwin pulls away from me. He has sweat on his brow and is breathing heavily. I notice Chris push off the wall and make a bee line towards me.
“I’m really tired…” Edwin pants. I’m about to respond when Chris cuts in.
“Would you mind if I take over from here?” He asks politely.
“Knock yourself out…” Edwin tells him, gesturing at me with his arm.
He walks away towards the drinks, but I barely notice. Chris slips his arms around my waist and I hear him take a deep breath and exhale on my neck. Is closeness combined with the scent and feel of him send shivers down my spine. I lean into him and our bodies move as one. He is the only other person in the room to me. I hear him moan softly, almost inaudibly, behind me and I smile… knowing he wants to do more then just dance with me. I want so badly to feel his lips against the skin on my neck.
We dance harder and my heart beat picks up even more speed. Soon, I’m gasping for breath and I need to stop. I pull from Chris reluctantly and turn to face him. I smile at him and see he is just as out of breath as I am. “Thanks” I mouth and as I walk away, I feel his fingers brush my hand ever so gently. I gasp a little but manage to keep my face straight and continue walking.
I walk up stairs, giving Edwin the one minute sign as he shoots me a questioning look. I go to our upstairs bathroom and take a deep breath after I’m safely locked inside. I push my hair out of my face and stare at the face in the mirror. The girl I saw was a cheater and a liar… not the good girl I’ve known all my life.
I grab the hair tie from my wrist and tie up my hair, not wanting to deal with it anymore. I splash some cold water on my face, careful not to smudge my eye make-up. Once I look semi decent again I head back to my basement.
“You okay?” Edwin asks, wrapping me up in his arms when he sees me return.
“Yeah, just needed to cool down is all.” I say, letting out a sigh of what I hoped sounded like relief.
The party continues and everyone has a blast. Secret Santa is a blast, with some very odd five dollar gifts being exchanged. I end up with a huge candle and Edwin gets a deck of cards. By the end of the night, I’m having such a good time I forget about not being with the one I love.
“This was amazing!” Claire squeals, hugging me as she goes to leave.
“It really was.” Chris tells me, stepping up and hugging me after Claire leaves. I squeeze him just a little tighter and hold him close to me just a fraction of a second longer then everyone else, not ever wanting to let him go.
“Thanks.” I smile.
Amber, the boys, and I are taking turns saying goodbye to people and cleaning up the basement. Our friends were all pretty good about not spilling anything, but there are cups of pop and plates of pizza all over the place.
Once everyone is out and the basement all cleaned up we say goodnight to our parents and head to our room.
As soon as I close the door behind Amber and I she states, “I saw you with Chris tonight.”
“And?” I ask wondering what she thought.
“You guys look so cute together. You too just fit… but…” Her face looks defeated, like she didn’t know exactly how to tell me I was a fool for dancing with him.
“I know, I know I am marrying Edwin, but I am falling for him Amber! I just can’t help myself! I feel like a cheater!” Tears start to fill my eyes.
“Hazel, you can’t fight the way you feel. This is a really tough situation.”
“Ya”
It is left at that. She comes and sits next to me and gives me a shoulder to cry on. We both stay like that until we start to fall asleep then we both go to bed. I slip into a deep sleep, forgeting the fact that Christmas is in the morning.
I am running in a forest. To where, I don’t know but I am running. I see someone in the distance and run faster. As I get closer I see it is Chris and I run even faster. I get to him and he takes my hand. We are all smiles. Suddenly his smile falls and turns to a hurtful frown. Tears start to fall from my face and he just shakes his head. He lets go of my hands and walks away. I call after him but no answer. I yell even more and fall to my knees. I feel as though my world is crashing. Everything is spinning as I scream even more…”
I wake up screaming and tears are falling down my face. Amber runs to me and hugs me.
“Its ok, just a dream.”
“A dream that may become reality,” I say in between sobs.
“What happened in your dream?”
“I ran after Chris and he walked away. I called for him, but he did not answer. He was gone.”
“Aww, that is a nightmare,”
She hugs me a couple of moments longer then leaves me to try to fall back asleep. I stay awake, not wanting the dream to come back. I don’t want that dream to ever come true, but it may. What is going to happen when I can’t kiss him anymore because I am married? What if Edwin finds out what I am doing? I can not stay away from Chris, but I have a duty to my family. Don’t I?
“Hazel?” I hear my name whispered in my ear as gently fingers brush my hair from my face. It feels like I have just fallen asleep after my nightmare.
“Hmm?” I groan, rolling over and stretching.
“Good Morning.” The voice says again and I realize its Edwin’s.
“Morning…” I respond automatically, still waking up.
“I have a surprise for you.” He tells me, gently moving the covers from me. He takes my hand and helps me stand. I’m still groggy, so I cling to him for a minute until I’ve steadied myself. When I’m okay, he leads me by the hand to our front door. As he flings open the front door he calls, “Merry Christmas!”
I gasp as I see a blue corvette sitting in our driveway with freshly fallen snow on the ground around it. There is a huge bow stuck to the top of it, just like you see in all the commercials. The whole scene looked straight from a magazine. I’m caught between crying at having such an amazing car and laughing at how ridiculous it seems to be getting a car for Christmas. I immediately feel silly about what I got Edwin, but I hoped he didn’t mind that I didn’t pay thousands of dollars for it.
“Oh thank you!” I gush, finally remembering how to speak. I throw my arms around Edwin’s neck and kiss him. He laughs at my obvious excitement and pushes me back, jingling the keys for me to take.
I grab them and run to my car like a little kid. I run my hand along the shiny paint and hold my breath as I get inside. I notice that it is a convertible and I squeal in delight. I run my hand delicately, lovingly along the interior. I absolutely love this and I couldn’t wait to show it off!
When I’ve had my fill, I walk back inside locking my car behind me. Everyone has moved to the living room near our tree and I join them, taking my place next to Edwin.
“Ready for some presents?” My mom asks. We all nod as she gets up and starts passing out the gifts from under the tree.
We are all laughing and having a good time with gifts and such. All six of us were still in our pajamas and we would stay that way for most of the day. The boys cook breakfast once we were had opened all the presents. Mom, Amber, and I clean up all the wrapping paper and straightened up the living room while we wait.
“Breakfast!” My dad calls and we all head to the kitchen for a huge breakfast.
We all eat breakfast. We are all really loud and laughing, until I hear something that reminds me of my nightmare. That then reminds me of Chris. I feel what happened in the nightmare weighing on me like it really happened. I have to fight back the tears and I just stare at me food.
“Can I please be excused?” I ask randomly.
Everyone stops talking and just stares at me in a confused faces.
“Sure honey,” my mom says.
I get up without another word and head to my room. I close the door and lock it behind me. Flipping open my phone I dial Chris’s number. He picks up immediately.
“Hey, merry Christmas!” He yells in my ear.
“Merry Christmas…” I mumble to him.
“What is wrong?” You can hear his voice change.
“I had a nightmare last night.”
“It’s just a nightmare Hazel. It’s not going to come true.”
“I know. I just wanted to call to make sure it didn’t.”
“Oh so it was about me?”
“Ya…”
“What happened?”
“Um, you left me and never wanted to see me again.”
“Hazel I could never not want to see you again.”
“But, what happens when… I’m married”
He signs and the phone is silent.
“I don’t want to think about that, I just want to spend the time I have left with you right now.”
“Me too, but what about when…”
“Hazel, let’s not think about that… please?”
“Ok… when can I see you next?”
“Now?” He asks, hope thick in his voice.
“Uh, sure… well… give me 20 minutes to get ready? And I’ll come get you.” I smile.
“What? You got a car?!” He exclaims.
“Yup.” I say excitedly. “Christmas present from Edwin.”
“Damn… The boy must have some money…” Chris mumbles, a hint of jealousy in his voice.
I lower my voice and say, “Awe, Chris… I liked your gift better… a lot better… if that makes you feel any better…”
“Really?” He asks softly.
“Yes, much much better!” I tell him.
“Alright.” He amends, “I’ll see you soon then.”
We hang up and I get dressed in a hurry. I rush downstairs and then calm myself. I ask my parents if I can go show a couple friends my new car. They agree but only because I promise to be home within the hour since we were leaving for my family’s house then.
I breeze out the door and into my new car. I take a deep breath of that new car smell before starting the engine. I flip through the radio channels as I take off towards Chris’ house. He doesn’t live very far and I pull up in his driveway a few minutes later.
I turn off the car and remind myself to breathe as I walk up to his front door. I ring the door bell and I hear some hushed voices from inside. Seconds later, Chris is walking through his front door.
“Hey.” He says, looking a little tired. I glance back inside and he notices. “You heard that?”
“Well… I heard something…” I admit. “But I couldn’t understand anything…”
“Mom and I… disagree on some things.” He tells me, his expression a little pained.
“Awe… I’m sorry.” I say, as I follow him to my car.
He stops as he looks up to see my new car. “Damn!”
I laugh nervously, “What?”
“_This_ is the car he bought you?!” He exclaims.
“Yeah…” I admit sheepishly.
“Sheesh… the boy does have some money then.” Chris says as he gets in on the passenger side.
I just nod as I move around to the other side of the car and get in.
“So where to now?” I ask, turning on the car to keep warm.
“Let’s just go to the lake. I can be with you long,” He tells me with a frown on his face.
“Neither can I. Ya, lets just do that.”
My hand reaches over to put the car in drive and his hand touches mine. I heart skips a beat. He grasps it hard.
“I have wanted to hold your hand terribly,” He looks into my eyes.
I get lost into his and my feelings start to overcome me again. His other hand strokes my cheek and that sets me off. I reach over and his lips meet mine. He kisses me back and we both grin wide.
“Let’s go,” I say.
His hand is on top of mine when I put the car into drive. Chris shows me the way until we get to a familiar road, then I know the rest of the way. Half the time I loose focus to what he is saying because I can feel his hand stroking mine. I have to try really hard just to focus on the road. Its even worse when he decides to look at me. I huff in frustration because all I want to do is get lost in his eyes.
“What is wrong?” He notices.
“Thank goodness we are almost there,” I say with a heavy sigh.
He laughs and we pull up to the lake. I get out of the car and he runs to grab my hand.
“Dork,” I laugh.
“True true,” He laughs back.
We walk up then stand there in silence looking over the lake. He lets go of my hand and runs over a distance. By the time I turn my head to ask him where he was going, a snowball hits my shoulder.
“Stop!” I yell.
He hits me again.
“Oh now your going to get it!” I laugh and make a snow ball.
“Bring it on!” He taunts me.
We laugh and throw snowballs at each other for awhile. Soon, I collapse on the ground in laughter, having just nailed Chris in the face my accident. He walks over to where I lay on the ground and shakes his head over me like a dog.
“Stop it!” I laugh.
“No!” He laughs back.
“Ugh.” I groan as I shield my face from the melted snow flying off his hair. He laughs at me some more and then stops to help me up.
“Here.” He says, offering his hands to me. I take them and he pulls me to my feet and then in his arms. He wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. I can feel the desperation underlying his happiness, knowing we can never really be together.
I sigh and lean into for a moment. I will myself not to cry and to hold back the tears that threatened to spill because of my uncontrollable desire to have him and no one else. I pull away from him and, with my voice and eyes layered with regret, I say, “I should be getting home…”
“I was afraid you’d say that at one point…” Chris responds, dropping his arms from around me but taking one of my hands in his as we begin walking towards my car. When we get there, despite the cold, Chris takes off his jacket and shakes off all the snow. I give him a questioning look and he answers, “I wouldn’t want to get snow in your brand new car!”
“Thanks, but it’s really alright… Shouldn’t do too much damage…” I tell him. He shrugs and puts his jacket back on before getting in the car. I get in right behind him and start the car immediately to get the heat going. I haven’t realized until just now just how frozen every inch of my body was.
As the heat flooded the car and heated my blood again, feeling returned to my limbs and with it, the pain of being so cold for so long.
“Here, lemme help.” Chris says, reaching over and taking my still numb fingers and wrapping his hands completely around mine.
“Thanks.” I say. We sit like this for a minute, him holding my hands and gazing into my eyes.
Once my hands feel warm again, he drops them and I start for his home. Along the way, we sing plenty of songs at the top of our lungs. We laugh and tease the whole way home. I am enjoying myself just so completely that I forget about who was waiting for me back home. It ends all too soon when we read Chris’ house.
“You could come in for a minute…. If you’d like…” Chris offers, suddenly looking really nervous.
I glance at the clock and figure I could spare some time. I answer brightly, “Sure!”
We get out of the car together. As we are walking to his front door, Chris warns, “My parents are a little… off… and my room’s a bit of a mess…”
I laugh lightly at the last bit. “No worries.” I assure him.
He drops my hand as he opens the door. Stepping inside he calls, “Mom, Dad, I’m home!”
“Okay, hunny!” A very feminine voice answers him.
“Let’s go upstairs.” He tells me, taking my hand again and leading me to a staircase. He leads me up and then right down a long hall, stopping at the last door. As he opens it, he says gesturing, “This is my room.”
“Your room is huge!” I gasp, walking in and looking all around.
The walls are all blue, with a huge window and window seat on the wall directly across from me. I take in his dresser to the right of me with random things thrown about it. Next to this is a nice desk with a cork board filled with papers on the wall above it. On the other side of the room is his huge bed with a blue comforter on it. On the bedside table are some more random things along with a box of tissues and an alarm clock. His closet door was open to reveal a huge walk in space.
He shrugs his shoulders and sits down on the edge of his bed. “It’s not bad.”
“You like the color blue?” I say playfully.
“It’s my absolute favorite color.” He answers smiling, his eyes watching me.
I nod and walk over to his window and gave out. His room looks out on a bunch of trees that formed the forest behind his house. The trees were all beautifully covered with fresh snow. The whole scene was simply breath taking.
“Wow… That’s gorgeous!” I gush, glancing back out the window before joining Chris on his bed.
“So are you.” He replies.
I blush a light red, “Thanks.”
I lie back on his bed and then almost instantly jump up.
“What?” Chris asks, looking startled.
“My jeans are all wet!” I exclaim, looking and feeling extremely guilty.
He laughs and stands up, pulling me close to him. “It’s alright.”
I sigh as I breathe him in, enjoying his closeness. When he pulls away I notice his clock. “Crap! I have to go!”
“Right now?”
“Yeah… I’m sorry, Chris. I’ll call you when I can.” I promise.
“Bye.”
“Bye!” I wave at him and take off down the stairs and out the door. I rush to my car and head home. I get home in less time then it took me to get to Chris’ earlier today. I slow myself down as I get out of my car back home. With deliberate slowness, I walk inside.
“I’m home!” I call.
My mom walks by, a very unpleasant look on her face. Her lips are pursed and her posture is tight. She tells me, “We are leaving in ten minutes. Hurry up.”
I nod and then escape the accusing glance she is giving me by rushing upstairs. Amber is in our room just finishing getting ready.
“What happened to you?!” She exclaims. “Fall in the snow?”
“Yeah, kinda.” I tell her, already pealing off my wet clothing. I put on a knee length black skirt and a new long-sleeve baby blue blouse. Amber shakes her head at me as I pull my hair out of its wet pony tail. I ignore her as I leave for the bathroom.
I run a brush through my blonde hair before getting out my hair dryer. I quickly dry my damp hair and tie it off to the side in a low pony tail. I return to my room and put on my basic make-up, cover up and eye liner.
“Come on girls!” My mom calls up the stairs.
I take one more look in the mirror and my necklace flashes. A sudden thought hits me. I forgot to give Chris his gift! I flip open my phone and text Chris:
I 4got 2 giv u ur xmas gift! I am so sry!
I run down the stairs and immediately get a text back.
No prob =)
I smile.
I will call u when I get home and then I will come 2 ur house.
k =)
I smile again and put on my jacket. The whole time I am at my grandmother’s house all I can think about is Chris. I can’t wait to see the expression on his face when he sees his gift.
My family is all crowed around Edwin and Ashton questioning them about England and how rich they are. I fidget up and down the whole time and open my gifts from the rest of my family really fast. Every half hour feels like two hours. When we finally get into the car to go home, I grin wide. The car ride home feels extra long and I crank up my ipod to drown everything out. I then flashback to all the times me and him sing in the car together. I smile again and finally we arrive inside the house. I run to my room without a word and call up Chris.
“I’m home and now I’m on my way!” I yell into the phone.
“Whoa! Ok,” he laughs.
“See ya soon” I say in a sweet voice.
“Can’t wait,” he says and I hang up.
I open my door and there is Edwin standing in the doorway.
“What’s up?” I say.
“Going somewhere?” He questions.
“Ya, I forgot to give my friend her gift.” I lie.
“Oh, well be back soon,” he smiles and kisses me on the cheek.
He walks away and I pound down the stairs almost missing a step.
“I’m going out to give a gift to a friend that I forgot about!” I yell to my parents.
“Ok, but…” I hear something muffled as I shut the door and unlock my car.
I look around and it’s pitch black. I open my phone and check the time. It’s nine thirty, oh well. Going into my car, I start the car, and turn on the heat. Looking in the back seat, I see the gift that I had forgotten before. I shake my head. Driving quickly to his house, I sing loudly to some Christmas music as if Chris is there singing along with me. I pull up the drive way, I grab my gift and walk to the door. Just before I knock, the door opens and Chris grins wide.
“Hey,” he sounds out of breath.
“Hey,” I grin back.
“Come in,” He says and takes my hand.
He leads me to his room and shuts the door.
“Here you go!” I say in excitement and hand him his gift.
He tares open the wrapping paper to reveal a photo in a frame. It’s a picture of me and him from the time we went to that store in the village. We have our silly hats on and our silly faces.
“This is amazing! It’s us from that trip to the village.” He says laughing.
“Ya,” I laugh back.
“Thank you so much, it’s so thoughtful.” He sets it on his bed and kisses me lightly.
I feel his kiss explode inside of me, in every inch of my body. Every time his lips touch mine, it feels like the very first kiss all over again. Time stops moving and there is only him and me, nothing else matters. I take half a step closer to him, pressing my body against his. He wraps his arms around my waist and I bring my hands up and wrap one around his neck and the other through his hair.
Suddenly, his kiss changes into something else. I can feel his greed and longing in his kiss. My body automatically responds to his change. I push myself harder against him as his lips move greedily against mine. I move my one hand and rest it against his chests, feeling his racing heart beneath my palm. He wraps one arm tighter, shifting my shirt so he is touching the skin on my waist. The feeling of his skin on mine sends shivers down my spine, and a small, almost inaudible moan of pleasure escapes my lips.
He hears me and slowly, almost cautiously, parts my lips with his. He slips his tongue in my mouth, brushing gently against my lips first. I let my tongue dance with his. My heart rate is speeding out of control. I have never gone this far with someone before and I am extremely nervous. He doesn’t seem to notice my totally lack of experience as my body is responding to his without any conscious thought from my brain.
“Chris?” A voice calls out, knocking on the door. Immediately, we take a step back from each other and I turn to look out the window because I know my face is all flushed. Seconds later, his mom opens the door. “Oh! I didn’t know you had company…”
“It’s ok.” Chris tells her. I take a deep breath to calm my heart and turn to look at his mom. I smile a small smile, trying not to look guilty of anything.
“Hello!” She exclaims, extending her arms to me. “You must be Hazel?”
“Yeah…” I answer, hugging her in return and making a mental note to ask Chris how she knew me.
“Chris talks about you all the time. It’s nice to finally put such a beautiful face to an equally beautiful name.” She says, stepping back from me. I feel my face blush and mumble thanks. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone now.”
She leaves and Chris closes the door behind her. I sit on the bed and look at him, an amused smile on my lips. “So you talk about me a lot?”
“Well… not a lot… but I guess I’ve mentioned you here to there…” Chris mumbles, looking really embarrassed.
I giggle, and stand and wrap my arms around him, “It’s cute you tell your parents about me.”
“Really?” He asks me doubtfully.
“Mhm.” I nod. He wraps his arms around me again and looks into my eyes. Once again there is no one else in the world. I am loving the way he is just to tall where I need to stand on my tiptoes to reach his face, and the perfect way our bodies fit together, and the feel of his arms around me…
“Hey Chris?” I ask, breaking our staring spell.
“Yes,” he answers sweetly.
“Will you be my maid of honor?”
His facial expression changes to shocked.
“What?” He asks in confusion.
“You are my closest friend. This will give us a chance to spend more time together. I don’t want anyone else to do it but you. ”
“You want me to be at your side when you marry the guy you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?”
He knows just how to stump me.
“I want you to be my maid of honor. I know this is hard, but please do this for me?”
He takes a heavy sigh and there is a moment of silence. He looks into my eyes again.
“Ok, I’ll do it. I don’t have to wear a dress right?”
I laugh, “No, you don’t.”
I kiss him, “Thanks Chris, you are amazing.”
“How can I say no to you anyway?” We both laugh.
Turning off the car, I get out and walk into the house. Quietly I sneak upstairs and close my door. I take a sigh and smile. I almost completely forget that Amber is sitting on her bead looking at me suspiciously.
“Where have you been?” She asks with attitude in her voice.
“With Chris, I gave him his Christmas gift and told him I wanted him to be my maid of honor.”
Her expression changes to a smile, “Oh and why didn’t you tell me you were going to pick Chris as your maid of honor instead of Claire?”
“Chris is a better friend of mine,” I say with a wide grin.
“Oh, I am sure that is the only reason,” She says sarcastically.
“It is,” I tell her.
I hear a light tap on the door and then it opens. Edwin and Ashton walk in. Ashton comes over to Amber’s bed and starts to kiss her. I turn my head to Edwin. I must cover up any emotions for Chris.
“Hey,” I say and hug Edwin.
“You were gone for a long time, I missed you.” He says and I hide my wince.
“I just went to tell Chris I want him to be my maid of honor,” I explain. At least it’s the truth.
“Oh, a guy maid of honor. That is interesting, but anything you want.” He tells me.
I smile at this. He cares about what I want. He glances over to Ashton who is all over Amber.
“Hey, I thought you only wanted to say goodnight to her.”
They stop kissing.
“Goodnight,” Ashton tells Amber.
“Goodnight,” Amber says to Ashton and kisses him again.
Edwin turns to me. He looks into my eyes and his arms wrap around me. He comes in closer and I try not to hesitate. His kisses me hard and keeps kissing. I force myself to kiss him back. Like with Chris, I put my hand in Edwin’s hair. Edwin’s kiss becomes more intense. His lips begin to open and I wince. No, please don’t. His tongue enters and traces the roof of my mouth. Suddenly he stops kissing and looks away.
“I’m sorry.” He says in a hurt voice as he looks at the ground.
“Sorry? For what?”
“For doing that to you. I should have made sure you were ready.”
He walks out of the room and I stand about to break. Chris would have moved in and he did. I sigh and sit on my bed. I grab a pillow and throw it at Amber and Ashton. That takes out some of my anger.
“Hey,” Amber says loudly to me.
“It’s ok. I should go anyway,” he starts to standup, “Goodnight,” He tells her again.
“Goodnight,” she repeats.
He walks out and closes the door.
“So,” Amber says, “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted him to be your maid of honor? What did he say when you told him you wanted him to be your maid of honor? Was he sad? Was he happy? Did he want to do it?”
I laugh, “Because I didn’t know how you would react. He was mixed but I convinced him.”
Amber nods at me respectively, but I see the suspicion in her eyes. Quietly, I ignore this and change for bed. I lay awake on my pillow long after our light has been off. I think of the amazing sensation I felt when Chris touched me and how there was absolutely nothing behind Edwin’s. I let these thoughts drift from my mind and new ones take over. I begin thinking about how much time I’ll get to spend with Chris now that he’s my maid of honor. It all seemed perfect.
Chapter 6
I wake up the next morning to the buzzing of my cell.
“Hello?” I say, blindly grabbing and answering my phone.
“Hey!” Chris’ voice washes through me.
“Hey.” I respond, a little more awake.
“I’m sorry if I woke you…” He says solemnly.
“No biggie.” I tell him, in my most awake voice I can muster.
“So… I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today… It’s a beautiful autumn day… warm enough for a tee shirt and jeans!” He goes on excitedly.
“Sure.” I laugh.
“Pick you up in 10?” He asks.
“Twenty.” I counter.
“Deal. See ya!” He says, hanging up.
I drag myself from my covers and grab some clothes before heading into the bathroom to shower. I take a hot, short shower. The water wakens my muscles and my mind. I feel much better as I leave the bathroom. I bound down the stairs and into the kitchen.
“I’m going out.” I say, kissing mom on the cheek.
“With who?” She demands.
“Chris.” I tell her. She nods and I head for the front door. “Bye!”
Chris is just pulling into my driveway as I get outside. I open the door and hop in.
“Wow, that was perfect timing.” He marvels.
“I’m just amazing like that.” I laugh. He laughs to and pulls back out of my driveway.
“So… to the lake?” He asks, glancing over at me.
“Sure.” I say, but then my stomach grumbles loudly and I blush. “Well… Maybe we could get something to eat first?”
He laughs, “Sure thing. Do you like pancakes?”
“Yeah, I love them!” I exclaim.
“Me too!” He says. “Well, IHOP it is then.”
I giggle at his matter of fact tone, but don’t argue. IHOP was my favorite place to have breakfast.
We pull into the local IHOP five minutes later.
“Mmm!” I say, taking a deep breath as we walk into the restaurant.
“Just two?” The hostess asks us. We nod. “Right this way, please.”
We follow her to a booth in the back of the dining area. Not many people are here to begin with, but there is absolutely no one back here.
We order a few minutes later. I get the Strawberry Banana Pancakes and a glass of white milk while Chris gets the Pancake Platter. We chat aimlessly as we wait for our food to come.
Suddenly, Chris says, “I’ve missed us, Hazel…”
“Yeah… Same here…” I admit.
“I wish things could be different, ya know?” He asks.
I nod as our food comes. Our aimless chatter starts up again. I feel totally comfortable with Chris. I’ve gotten used to Edwin, but with Chris it was all natural. We finish our pancakes and continue our discussion while we wait for the bill.
“I’ll pay for my share.” I tell Chris.
“Nah, I’ll get it.” He says, waving my offer away and he reaches for his wallet.
“Chris… it’s not like it’s a date… I can pay for my food. It’s bad enough I waste you gas by having you drive me everywhere!” I complain.
“Haze, I want to pay for you… even if it can only be as friends.” Chris says stubbornly. When the waitress comes with the bill, he takes it from her. When she walks away I stick my tongue out at Chris. He laughs at me but pays anyways.
“Ready?” He asks after we pay.
“Yep.” I say, standing up. We walk out to the car, smiles are plastered on both of our faces. We sing songs on the way to the lake. Chris was right, today was gorgeous.
I gasp as we reach the lake. “Oh, it’s gorgeous…”
The trees that surround the little lake are all a wonderful array of colors. There are a few leaves on the ground, but most of them are still up on the trees. I see reds and yellows and greens and oranges.
“So are you.” Chris says, breaking me out of my trance.
I look over at him a small smile playing with my lips. He is leaning closer to me, over the seats. I feel myself being drawn closer to him. Very quickly we are mere centimeters from each other. I feel his breath on my face. I want to kiss him badly.
“Hazel…” He breaths. I squeeze my eyes shut and sit up.
“This is wrong…” I say, my voice barely a whisper.
“I know.” He responds wickedly.
I look at him, unable to control this feeling raging inside me. I’ve never wanted someone as badly as I wanted Chris right now… If I could only touch him… it would be amazing.
“Don’t you ever break the rules?” Chris asks dangerously.
“Not… normally…” I admit.
Chris shrugs, “There is a first for everything.” He reaches over and takes my hand. He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb and my heart goes wild. I gasp for breath. I couldn’t believe what he was doing to me with only a touch!
I stare into his eyes and he stares into mine. He puts his hand on my cheek and I feel a bolt of feelings. Blood rushes to my face and butterflies fill my stomach. I lean my head on his hand and just take in the feeling. We come even closer and he brushes back my hair. My heart pounds out of my chest as I keep gasping for air. I put my hand on the back of his neck, feeling another bolt as I run my hand threw his hair. I close my eyes and our lips are about a centimeter from each other. My eyes open as “love story” plays on my phone. I lean back in anger as the moment is lost. Chris huffs in disappointment. I check my phone, its Edwin.
“I am so sorry Chris, I have to take this. It’s Edwin.”
I flip my phone open and answer.
“Hey Edwin…” I say trying to sound thrilled.
“Hey, where are you?” He says in greatest concern.
“I am hanging out, didn’t Amber tell you?”
“No, she did not. I was so worried when I came in to kiss you good morning and you weren’t there.”
Chris hears that and frowns. He gets up and turns his back to me.
“I am sorry, I will be home soon.”
“Ok, don’t be out to long.”
“Ok… bye…”
“Bye…”
I flip my phone closed and get up. I walk in front of Chris.
“Chris, I am so sorry.” I say while looking into his eyes.
“It’s ok…” He says and takes my hand.
“Seeing you as much as I want isn’t going to be easy is it?” He asks with a frown that could break anyone’s heart.
I shake my head, “No…”
“I wish things could be…”
“I know, different.”
We stand there looking at each other in silence, thinking about our situation. I want to be with him so bad, but it feels so wrong. I don’t know how long I can take this.
“I guess I should get you home…” Chris says.
I nod and we get into his car. I have him drop me a block from my house, insisting on walking and saying I was just over Claire’s house.
“Hay!” Edwin yells when I walk in, his happy puppy look breaking my heart.
“Hi.” I say, forcing a smile and kissing his cheek. I can’t wrap my mind around what just happened with Chris… the way he made me feel, so I’m distant. I chat with Edwin for a bit, hanging out like good friends do. I sigh as I realize I feel nothing at all when Edwin strokes the back of my hand.
“You want to go to the movies with me tonight…?” Edwin asks suddenly.
“Err… Sure” I say, smiling at him.
“Great! I was thinking maybe… the new Bond movie?” He says.
“M’kay.”
“We’ll leave at 5:30 then.”
We talk until around 4, when I leave to take my shower and get ready and such. I put on Amber’s knee length blue skirt and white v-neck tee shirt. I slip into my white ballet flats and grab my purse from my bed. I walk down the stairs slowly and find Edwin waiting for me at the bottom.
“Ready?” He asks, smiling lovingly.
“Yep!” I say and link my arm through his as we leave.
During the movie, we have the arm between us pulled up. I have my head on his shoulder and his arm is wrapped around my waist. He doesn’t try anything and I’m kind of glad. I am confused enough about Chris without Edwin suddenly going all out on me.
When the movie is over we blink against the setting sun outside the theatre.
“Hey, you want an ice cream or something?” He asks.
“Sure. I think there is a DQ down the road from here…” I say.
He takes me there in the Cadillac. Inside, I order a Brownie Earthquake and Edwin gets a Brownie Batter blizzard. We take our ice cream and eat it outside.
“Oh, that looks really good!” I say, eyeing his ice cream.
“Wanna try?” He offers.
“Sure.” I say. He dips his spoon in, gets a good sized bite, and then he feeds it to me. “Mmm! That is good.”
“Mind if I try yours?” He asks. I shake my head and then get some brownie, ice cream and hot fudge on my spoon and feed it to him. “Oh, that’s good too!”
I laugh and nod, enjoying more of my ice cream. Soon, our ice cream is gone and we head home. I’m surprised to realize I actually had a lot of fun on our date.
It is now the day before Christmas break. The last two months have been me stuck between what I have to do and what I want to do. I have to be with the stiff Edwin that sometimes surprises me by being fun. I want to be with Chris. Chris and I haven’t talked about what happened that one day where we almost kissed, nor did we get that close again.
The school is busing with happiness. There are cheers in the hallway and everyone feels it.
“Hey,” I say to Chris as I come up to him in our first hour.
“Hey you,” He says with a smile.
I feel daggers in the back of my head and turn around. Claire is glaring at me at the back of class. Chris stopped seeing Claire after I started hanging out with him again. She’s been glaring at me ever since.
“We should hang out over Christmas break,” He says,
“Ya, we should,” I agree.
Class starts and soon the class day is over. I slip on my jacket and Chris walks up.
“Hey, I’ll call you with plans.”
“Ok, have a great break Chris.”
“You too Hazel.”
I sigh when he says my name. I love how he says my name. He walks off and Edwin walks up.
“Hey,” He kisses me on the cheek, “Are you ready to go?”
“Ya,” I slam my locker shut and we walk out hand in hand.
This break is going to be full of emotion. I can tell.
It is snowing as Edwin and I rush out to the car. It’s freezing, so we blast the heat and wait to warm up.
“We’re lucky you have a car.” I say. “Since Amber and Ashton are going some place and couldn’t be bothered to take us home.”
“Yeah…” He says, starting his car. “What did you do when she had to stay after or something and couldn’t take you home?”
“I hitched rides with friends or, depending on the weather, walked.” I shrug.
“Ouch.” He says, glancing over at me before turning out of the school parking lot. “Why does she have a car and not you?”
“Well we both got jobs the summer after sophomore year, but I saved all my money and she bought herself a car.” I answer.
“You didn’t want a car?” He questions.
“Nah. I mean, it’d be nice… but… I don’t know. I never really thought about it… I always just bugged Amber for a ride.” I say and laugh. Edwin laughs too.
We pull up at our house and we get out. As I hang up my coat, Edwin disappears somewhere.
“Edwin?” I call to my otherwise empty house.
“One sec, don’t move!” I hear from the kitchen area. A minute later I hear, “Alright, come here.”
I do as told and walk into the kitchen. Edwin meets me there and hands me one of the two mugs he is holding in his hands. I glance towards the living room where I hear gently Christmas carols playing and notice he has lit our fireplace.
He leads me to the couch and we sit down. I curl up next to him and blow on my hot coco in the mug he had gave me.
“This is very romantic.” I tell him, smiling.
“I figured you’d like to relax and start your break off nice.” He responds.
“Well, thank you.” I smile, and lean over to kiss his cheek.
“You’re very welcome.” He says, smiling right on back at me.
I snuggle up to him and sip my hot chocolate. We watch the fire dance and make small talk. A thought hits me and I get up.
“There is a Christmas tree that needs to be set up. Help me set it up?”
“Sure!” He says
I lead him down into the basement and we both bring up a box.
“What are you guys doing?” I hear Amber ask as we reach the top of the stairs.
“We’re going to set up the ole Christmas tree!”
“Yey, Ashton! Come on, we’re going to set up the Christmas tree!”
Ashton comes and we all bring up boxes.
“It’s a fake tree, but Hazel and I set it up every year,” Amber explains as we open the boxes of tree pieces, ornaments, and lights.
“Hey, Amber! It’s our Santa hats!” I put on my hat.
“Very nice,” Edwin says.
I toss Amber her hat.
“There we go, now we are ready to set up this tree,” Amber says and laughs.
We set up the tree and put on the ornaments and lights. We all laugh and have a great time. The true feeling of Christmas is felt in all of us.
“Ok, it’s time for the top!” Amber yells and gets it out of the box.
“I’ll help you,” Ashton says.
He lifts her up to the top of the tree and she sticks it on. He sets her back down and we all step back and admire our handy work.
“So amazing,” Amber says and gives me a high five.
I nod and look at the lights.
Just then a flash goes off behind us, and we all jump. We turn around to find our Dad standing there with his camera in his hand, laughing.
“Jeez! Warn us next time!” Amber says.
“Okay.” He replies. “Then all of you in front of the tree, I want a good picture.”
Amber and I roll our eyes. Dad took pictures of _everything_! Edwin puts his arm around my waist, I link my arm through Amber’s and Ashton slings his arm over Amber’s shoulders. We all smile and Dad takes the picture. Amber and I look at each other and yell “silly picture!” We all laugh and make stupid poses.
“Oh, my gosh!” Amber yells suddenly.
“What?” I laugh.
“We have to go caroling!” She exclaims. I laugh.
“You boys wanna come?” I ask.
“Sure.” They say. We all split up to find winter coats, gloves, and boots. Amber and I keep our Santa hats on and our wearing our matching gloves. Putting up our Christmas tree and going out caroling together on the first day of break was a tradition we’d carried on as long as we could remember.
The four of us leave the house laughing. Amber and I walk past our neighbor’s house.
“Why didn’t we go there?” Ashton asks, pointing towards the house we skipped.
“They’re not home from work yet.” I shrug.
We go from house to house, singing and having a good time. We go to almost every house around our block. By the time we come home, our faces are flushed from laughing and the cold weather.
“You guys have fun?” My mom asks when we walk in.
“Yep!” Amber answers.
“Mrs. Lovedie,” Edwin says, still laughing, and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Why didn’t you ever tell me how amazing your daughters are at singing?”
“Stop it!” I say, blushing.
“What?!” He says, looking offended. “I’m only saying the truth.”
“Both our daughters have always been good singers. And they both love to sing around Christmas.” My mom laughs.
“Thanks Mom…” I say, laughing. “Yeah, we love it… but we’re not amazing!”
I sit at the table the next morning eating breakfast and sipping hot chocolate. I look at my phone and wonder when Chris is going to call. Just like that “Love Story” plays on my phone. I flip it open.
“Good morning Chris.”
“Hey, I am kidnapping you for the day with me. Get reading and I’ll be at your driveway in a half hour.”
I laugh, “Where are you taking me?”
“Hope you have ice skates.” He tells me then hangs up.
I chug my hot chocolate and take a shower.
“Mom, where are my ice skates?” I say while pounding down the stairs.
“It’s in the garage in a box with all the other winter things. Where are you going?”
“Ice skating with a friend.”
I run into the garage and search in the winter box. After searching for ten minutes, I find my skates in the bottom of course. I put on all my stuff as fast as possible. I hear the horn honk, five minutes early. I make sure my hat is fixed right and grab my ice skates.
“You’re early,” I tell him while I slip into his car.
“I know, but I want to spend this day with you. Every minute counts.” He grins like he has a big secret.
“What are you hiding?” I ask in suspicion.
He laughs, “It’s going to take a lot more to get that out of me.”I smile and sit back. There is no way he is going to tell me. He turns on Christmas music; I turn my head towards him.
“Christmas music?”
“Heck ya!” He turns it up.
I laugh. We sing the music like crazy people. When we go down a familiar road, I realize where we are going.
“We are going to the lake aren’t we?”
“Smart girl.”
The car stops and we get out. The amazing winter whit blinds my eyes as I stare into the beautiful trees and knee deep snow.
“This is amazing.”
“Mhm.” He agrees. “I come up here every day and work on it.”
“What?” I say, looking over at him.
“Mhm. I smooth out the ice and add a chemical to it. It’s my own personal ice rink.” Chris tells me, pride thick in his voice.
“Wow!” I say, impressed. “You really did this?”
“Yep! All me.” He says, walking to a bench I just notice by the lake. “I’ve never shown any one else this lake…”
“Oh…” I say, joining him on the bench. “Why not?”
“Because… this was my spot… My parents own the land, and it has been my get away since I could drive… I just, felt something with you… if that makes any sense… so I brought you here. It was about time I shared this sanctuary with someone else.” Chris shrugs.
“Well thank you.” I say, hugging him. “Now can we skate?”
He laughs and stands up walking over to the ice. I stand and follow him. Gingerly, I step out on the ice, taking Chris’ hand.
“Careful now.” He says, still holding my hand.
“It has been ages since I’ve ice skated!” I exclaim, wobbling a bit.
“I’ll catch you if you fall.” Chris says smiling at me.
“Promise?” I ask.
“I promise.” He reassures me.
He takes my hand and guides me once around the lake. Eventually, my muscles remember the feeling and I don’t need Chris’ hand any more. This doesn’t stop him from holding it though. I smile at the thought of us gliding around this private lake of his.
Some time later Chris asks, “Hungry?”
As he asks my stomach grumbles, “Yes.”
He laughs, having heard my stomach. “I made reservations for us at a nearby restaurant.”
“Oh?” I ask. “Where?”
“You’ll see!” He tells me, dragging me back to the bench so we can change out of our skates.
I take one last look at the lake before going into his car. We drive, Christmas music blasting again. I look out the window into the winter wonderland of the trees and the snow. Look over to Chris and he is looking at me. He looks away as if he was caught doing something wrong. He slowly glances back at me in the cutest face ever. I grin and giggle. He laughs then looks back at the road. I sigh and draw out his face in my head. His eyes and smile make me smile. I tilt my head back onto the seat. How does his smile just affect me so much?
“What are you smiling about? I didn’t know the road was that interesting,” he jokes.
“I was just thinking,” I say, hoping he will just let it go and not ask me.
“About what?”
I laugh, “nothing…”
“Oh, its something alright. It is always something when you smile like that.”
“How do you know that?”
“I notice things. I notice a lot of things about you.”
“Oh really?”
“Ya, like that ring. The one with a heart on it, you always wear that.”
I look at my finger and see the ring.
My parents gave me that ring for my sixteenth birthday,” I explain, “and I have worn it ever since. That is a random thing to notice.”
“Well, here we are,” He changes the subject.
I let it go and look out side. He had pulled into a spot near this village. I don’t recall how long this drive has been, but I have never been in this village before.
“Where are we?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he grins.
“I looks like a cute village,” I say.
“That is because it is a cute village,” He says in a girly voice.
His voice makes me laugh really hard. We get out of the car and walk into this restaurant. I didn’t catch the name, but the inside was beautiful. It was old English style, even the waiters were wearing gowns. Sweet music is being played by a guy playing a grand piano.
“I feel so underdressed,” I tell him, looking at my clothes.
“Nah, you like great.”
I smile at his kind words and we walk up to the hostess. She takes us to our seats. Our table is lite by candle light and has all silver plates and utensils.
“I thought you would like the old English style.”
“I do.”
“Order whatever you want. It’s all on me,” he tells me as I open the menu. I check the prices and almost fall out of my chair.
“Chris…”
“Just order anything all right. Its totally on me.”
I sigh and read it over. Everything sounds amazing, and pricy.
“What are you having?”
“Steak, I love steak.”
“I’ll have that too I guess,” I decide.
The waiter comes up.
“Hello, what are you having?”
“Both of us will have the steak,” He states.
“Alright, It will be here in a giffy.”
She leaves and we talk. We talk about what has been going on since we haven’t talked and we get way in deep into the conversation that we barely even notice our food has come right in front of us. We stop to eat for a while then just pick up right were we leave off. We laugh along like we have been friends forever with jokes nobody would get. Our food is taken away, but we continue to talk.
“Ok, lets go for a walk in the village.” He says after paying the waiter.
We both get up and walk out. I feel a cold breeze and button up my jacket. Putting my hands in my pockets, I stroll this little village with him. We talk some more and walk into stores. It feels like I am hanging out at the mall with a friend, but it feels like so much more. I feel more comfortable with him then I do with anyone.
“Try on this hat,” He says and hands me this hat with a big feather on the side.
I laugh, “ok, but then you have to wear this.”
I grab a simalar hat. He laughs.
“ok.”
We both walk to the mirror and check ourselves out.
“I have to take a picture of this,” I pull out my phone.
“Chicks and their pictures,” He sighs.
We get close and make goofy faces. I take the picture and we look at it.
“We look amazing,” he jokes.
“Oh, we so do.”
“Send that picture to me.”
“Okie dokie,” I send it to him.
He flips his phone open and waits for the picture to come. He then starts clicking a bunch of buttons.
“What are you doing?”
“Hold on,” He continues pushing buttons.
“Ok,” he gives me the phone.
I look and I see our picture on his wallpaper. The banner says,
Aren’t we amazing?
I laugh, “That is cool.”
“Just cool?”
“Ok, its great.”
“Hell ya.”
We walk from store to store until its starts to get dark.“Now we have to have this amazing dessert. You like chocolate cake?” He says holding the door for me.
“Ya!”
He orders to slices and we sit down.
“If you don’t like this, there is something wrong with you,” He puts his fork in his slice and takes a piece.
I fork up a piece and put it into my mouth. The taste melts in my mouth and my taste buds have a party.
“This is really really good!”
“Ya, I know!”
I savor every piece of the cake even though it’s a big slice.
“Wow, you ate the whole thing?”
“Ya, it was really good,” I say, wipping my lips with a napkin.
He gets up and takes my plate. He throws it away.
“Come on. Lets go.”
“I would ask you where you’re going to take me, but I know you not going to tell me.”
“Nope I am not.”
We walk out the back door.
“Why did we just…” My voice trails off as I look around me.The path ahead is aligned with trees. Those trees are lit up in lights.
“That is why,” he finishes.
He takes my hand and leads me down the path. The end of the path had a court with a large evergreen in the middle. His face starts to look nervous.
“Are you ok?”
He sighs, “Yes, I am great.”
He swings our hands and we come up to the tree.
“Turn around,” He says.
“Why? What are you going to do?”
“Just turn around!”
I turn around.
“Don’t look back until I say so.”
I suddenly see something light up behind me and I almost turn.
“Not yet!” I hear him yell from a distance.
I hear him run towards me and search for something in his pocket.
“Ok, turn around,” He says with excitement in his voice.
I turn in gasp. The evergreen was full of lights. No spot in the tree is without light and I am almost blinded by it. That wasn’t what surprises me. What surprises me it what he is dangling in front of me. He is dangling a necklace with the heart that is the same shape as the one on my ring.
“I saw this and remembered it matches your ring. Do you like it?”
“I love it,” I say sweetly.
“Want me to but it on?”
“Ya.”
I turn and pull up my hair. The winter air blows onto my neck and sends shivers down my spine. I feel his hands on my neck clasping the necklace and I get another shiver. When he puts his hands down and I turn towards him. Our eyes meet and I gasp for air again. He leans in closer and so do I. A shockwave of feelings enter me again like it did that one day on the lake. Butterflies fill my stomach. My feelings overcome me and I come in even closer. He puts his hand on my cheek and our lips finally touch. A whole new shockwave enters my body and I kiss him back. I put my hands on his neck and we continue kissing. I feel weightless and sparks fly. My tongue begins to trace his mouth and he pulls me closer to him. He hands fall down to my waist. When we finally need air, we both part with grins on our faces. Gasping for air, we both stand in silence looking into each other’s eyes. His hands never leave my waist.
“Your… wow…” He says still gasping for air.
“Wow,” I repeat.
We stand there until we realize it is really time to leave. Then there we are, the car siting in my driveway.
“I had the most amazing time of my life,” he looks into my eyes.
“Me too,” I say
My emotions overcome me again and I lean in and kiss him. The same sparks fly. We part and he sighs.
“Bye,” I kiss him on the cheek.
“Bye, I’ll call you,” He says and I get out.
I look back at the car once more before walking into the door. When I hear voices, the thought hits me. Edwin. I stand at the door and prepare myself to look as if nothing happened. I can’t believe I totally forgot about Edwin. My stomach starts to feel sick. I walk downstairs into the basement and the laughter increases.
“Hazel!” Edwin yells and runs to me.
He kisses me and Chris enters my head. Edwin doesn’t even come close.
“Hey Edwin,” I try to seem excited.
“Where have you been? I called you a couple of times.”
I check my phone. Four missed calls, crap.
“I am sorry, I was out with some friends for the day.”
I see a supicious look on Ambers face, but I keep my face straight.“So sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Its ok,” Edwin says.
“So, what have you guys been doing?”
“We put up the christmas lights outside,” Ashton explains.
“Sounds fun.”
I go and plop down onto the couch. Our basement is like a game room. Amber and I haven’t hung out down here in a while.
“Ashton almost fell off the ladder,” Amber points out and then they start up a conversation.
I space out and Chris enters my head again. I recall the feeling of my hands on his cheeks and my lips on his.
“Hazel? Where is your head?” Edwin jumps me back.
“I am sorry, I am just tired. I am going to head off to bed,” I get up.
“Ok, good night.” Edwin kisses me.
I ignore it, “Good night everyone.”
I run up the two flights of stairs and run into my room. Closing the door behind me, I plop onto my bed. My hands trace the necklace and I flash back to our kiss. A thought hits me, none of them noticed the necklace. Maybe that is why Amber looked at my weird. I am going to have to lie my way out of this one. I groan in anger. How is this ever going to work? I push the thoughts out. I’ll save that for tomorrow. I close my eyes and Chris’s face appears. His face stays there when I fall asleep and in my dreams.
“Hazel!” I hear, waking me from a pleasant dream I was having of Chris and me.
“Hmm…?” I groan, sitting up and blinking in the dark.
”What the hell is around your neck?!” Amber hisses from the darkness. Suddenly she is right next to me, flipping on a little light and grabbing the necklace I had forgotten to take off.
”Oh, uh…” I stumble over my words, trying to come up with what to say.
“It’s beautiful!” Amber gushes. “Chris gave it to you didn’t he?”
Dang, she was good. I look away and shrug sheepishly, “Yeah… He did.”
“That boy has it bad for you… I see the way he looks at you I the hallways. You’re just lucky Edwin doesn’t believe the rumors.” Amber tells me, still fingering my necklace.
“What rumors?” I ask sharply.
“Oh… Uhm…” It’s her turn to fall over her words. “People are just saying some things…”
“What people?” I question, anger beginning to bubble inside of me. “What are they saying?”
“Just… that… well… that you’re cheating on Edwin with Chris.”
“What?!”
“Shh! You’ll wake everyone!”
“I can’t believe this! I…” I start, my anger fuming. I’m about to say I would never hurt Edwin like that but my thoughts flicker back to the kiss I shared with _Chris_ tonight and I instantly feel my cheeks get warm.
“Hazel…” Amber gives me a questioning look. “I’ll believe what ever you tell me… I’m your sister, but also your best friend… I get that you and Chris are good friends… but did you do anything with him?”
“Oh Amber!” I break down, my voice cracks and what I did settles on top of me like a thick dark blanket. “Chris kissed me tonight… and I kissed him back! And oh Amber! It was heavenly!”
Amber sits up straighter, looking away from me. I search her face desperately, searching for signs of what she’d say or what I should do but her face was unreadable. For five minutes, I wait for her to say something, anything. I’m tearing myself up inside. I loved Chris, yet I pretend to love Edwin. I cheated on my fiancé. I couldn’t believe myself. I hated myself for not having more self control.
Tears are pouring down my face by the time Amber looks back towards me. When she sees me her face softens a bit. “I… I don’t know what to tell you…” She looks as troubled as I feel. She leans over and hugs me. “It’ll work out…” She says and then stands and goes to her own bed.
“Thanks for not hating me…” I say into the darkness.
“I could never hate you. You are my sister for heaven’s sake!” She responds. “Goodnight.”
“Night…” I say, lying back in down. I fall asleep holding onto the necklace from Chris.
“Hello?” I say, blindly grabbing and answering my phone.
“Hey!” Chris’ voice washes through me.
“Hey.” I respond, a little more awake.
“I’m sorry if I woke you…” He says solemnly.
“No biggie.” I tell him, in my most awake voice I can muster.
“So… I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today… It’s a beautiful autumn day… warm enough for a tee shirt and jeans!” He goes on excitedly.
“Sure.” I laugh.
“Pick you up in 10?” He asks.
“Twenty.” I counter.
“Deal. See ya!” He says, hanging up.
I drag myself from my covers and grab some clothes before heading into the bathroom to shower. I take a hot, short shower. The water wakens my muscles and my mind. I feel much better as I leave the bathroom. I bound down the stairs and into the kitchen.
“I’m going out.” I say, kissing mom on the cheek.
“With who?” She demands.
“Chris.” I tell her. She nods and I head for the front door. “Bye!”
Chris is just pulling into my driveway as I get outside. I open the door and hop in.
“Wow, that was perfect timing.” He marvels.
“I’m just amazing like that.” I laugh. He laughs to and pulls back out of my driveway.
“So… to the lake?” He asks, glancing over at me.
“Sure.” I say, but then my stomach grumbles loudly and I blush. “Well… Maybe we could get something to eat first?”
He laughs, “Sure thing. Do you like pancakes?”
“Yeah, I love them!” I exclaim.
“Me too!” He says. “Well, IHOP it is then.”
I giggle at his matter of fact tone, but don’t argue. IHOP was my favorite place to have breakfast.
We pull into the local IHOP five minutes later.
“Mmm!” I say, taking a deep breath as we walk into the restaurant.
“Just two?” The hostess asks us. We nod. “Right this way, please.”
We follow her to a booth in the back of the dining area. Not many people are here to begin with, but there is absolutely no one back here.
We order a few minutes later. I get the Strawberry Banana Pancakes and a glass of white milk while Chris gets the Pancake Platter. We chat aimlessly as we wait for our food to come.
Suddenly, Chris says, “I’ve missed us, Hazel…”
“Yeah… Same here…” I admit.
“I wish things could be different, ya know?” He asks.
I nod as our food comes. Our aimless chatter starts up again. I feel totally comfortable with Chris. I’ve gotten used to Edwin, but with Chris it was all natural. We finish our pancakes and continue our discussion while we wait for the bill.
“I’ll pay for my share.” I tell Chris.
“Nah, I’ll get it.” He says, waving my offer away and he reaches for his wallet.
“Chris… it’s not like it’s a date… I can pay for my food. It’s bad enough I waste you gas by having you drive me everywhere!” I complain.
“Haze, I want to pay for you… even if it can only be as friends.” Chris says stubbornly. When the waitress comes with the bill, he takes it from her. When she walks away I stick my tongue out at Chris. He laughs at me but pays anyways.
“Ready?” He asks after we pay.
“Yep.” I say, standing up. We walk out to the car, smiles are plastered on both of our faces. We sing songs on the way to the lake. Chris was right, today was gorgeous.
I gasp as we reach the lake. “Oh, it’s gorgeous…”
The trees that surround the little lake are all a wonderful array of colors. There are a few leaves on the ground, but most of them are still up on the trees. I see reds and yellows and greens and oranges.
“So are you.” Chris says, breaking me out of my trance.
I look over at him a small smile playing with my lips. He is leaning closer to me, over the seats. I feel myself being drawn closer to him. Very quickly we are mere centimeters from each other. I feel his breath on my face. I want to kiss him badly.
“Hazel…” He breaths. I squeeze my eyes shut and sit up.
“This is wrong…” I say, my voice barely a whisper.
“I know.” He responds wickedly.
I look at him, unable to control this feeling raging inside me. I’ve never wanted someone as badly as I wanted Chris right now… If I could only touch him… it would be amazing.
“Don’t you ever break the rules?” Chris asks dangerously.
“Not… normally…” I admit.
Chris shrugs, “There is a first for everything.” He reaches over and takes my hand. He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb and my heart goes wild. I gasp for breath. I couldn’t believe what he was doing to me with only a touch!
I stare into his eyes and he stares into mine. He puts his hand on my cheek and I feel a bolt of feelings. Blood rushes to my face and butterflies fill my stomach. I lean my head on his hand and just take in the feeling. We come even closer and he brushes back my hair. My heart pounds out of my chest as I keep gasping for air. I put my hand on the back of his neck, feeling another bolt as I run my hand threw his hair. I close my eyes and our lips are about a centimeter from each other. My eyes open as “love story” plays on my phone. I lean back in anger as the moment is lost. Chris huffs in disappointment. I check my phone, its Edwin.
“I am so sorry Chris, I have to take this. It’s Edwin.”
I flip my phone open and answer.
“Hey Edwin…” I say trying to sound thrilled.
“Hey, where are you?” He says in greatest concern.
“I am hanging out, didn’t Amber tell you?”
“No, she did not. I was so worried when I came in to kiss you good morning and you weren’t there.”
Chris hears that and frowns. He gets up and turns his back to me.
“I am sorry, I will be home soon.”
“Ok, don’t be out to long.”
“Ok… bye…”
“Bye…”
I flip my phone closed and get up. I walk in front of Chris.
“Chris, I am so sorry.” I say while looking into his eyes.
“It’s ok…” He says and takes my hand.
“Seeing you as much as I want isn’t going to be easy is it?” He asks with a frown that could break anyone’s heart.
I shake my head, “No…”
“I wish things could be…”
“I know, different.”
We stand there looking at each other in silence, thinking about our situation. I want to be with him so bad, but it feels so wrong. I don’t know how long I can take this.
“I guess I should get you home…” Chris says.
I nod and we get into his car. I have him drop me a block from my house, insisting on walking and saying I was just over Claire’s house.
“Hay!” Edwin yells when I walk in, his happy puppy look breaking my heart.
“Hi.” I say, forcing a smile and kissing his cheek. I can’t wrap my mind around what just happened with Chris… the way he made me feel, so I’m distant. I chat with Edwin for a bit, hanging out like good friends do. I sigh as I realize I feel nothing at all when Edwin strokes the back of my hand.
“You want to go to the movies with me tonight…?” Edwin asks suddenly.
“Err… Sure” I say, smiling at him.
“Great! I was thinking maybe… the new Bond movie?” He says.
“M’kay.”
“We’ll leave at 5:30 then.”
We talk until around 4, when I leave to take my shower and get ready and such. I put on Amber’s knee length blue skirt and white v-neck tee shirt. I slip into my white ballet flats and grab my purse from my bed. I walk down the stairs slowly and find Edwin waiting for me at the bottom.
“Ready?” He asks, smiling lovingly.
“Yep!” I say and link my arm through his as we leave.
During the movie, we have the arm between us pulled up. I have my head on his shoulder and his arm is wrapped around my waist. He doesn’t try anything and I’m kind of glad. I am confused enough about Chris without Edwin suddenly going all out on me.
When the movie is over we blink against the setting sun outside the theatre.
“Hey, you want an ice cream or something?” He asks.
“Sure. I think there is a DQ down the road from here…” I say.
He takes me there in the Cadillac. Inside, I order a Brownie Earthquake and Edwin gets a Brownie Batter blizzard. We take our ice cream and eat it outside.
“Oh, that looks really good!” I say, eyeing his ice cream.
“Wanna try?” He offers.
“Sure.” I say. He dips his spoon in, gets a good sized bite, and then he feeds it to me. “Mmm! That is good.”
“Mind if I try yours?” He asks. I shake my head and then get some brownie, ice cream and hot fudge on my spoon and feed it to him. “Oh, that’s good too!”
I laugh and nod, enjoying more of my ice cream. Soon, our ice cream is gone and we head home. I’m surprised to realize I actually had a lot of fun on our date.
It is now the day before Christmas break. The last two months have been me stuck between what I have to do and what I want to do. I have to be with the stiff Edwin that sometimes surprises me by being fun. I want to be with Chris. Chris and I haven’t talked about what happened that one day where we almost kissed, nor did we get that close again.
The school is busing with happiness. There are cheers in the hallway and everyone feels it.
“Hey,” I say to Chris as I come up to him in our first hour.
“Hey you,” He says with a smile.
I feel daggers in the back of my head and turn around. Claire is glaring at me at the back of class. Chris stopped seeing Claire after I started hanging out with him again. She’s been glaring at me ever since.
“We should hang out over Christmas break,” He says,
“Ya, we should,” I agree.
Class starts and soon the class day is over. I slip on my jacket and Chris walks up.
“Hey, I’ll call you with plans.”
“Ok, have a great break Chris.”
“You too Hazel.”
I sigh when he says my name. I love how he says my name. He walks off and Edwin walks up.
“Hey,” He kisses me on the cheek, “Are you ready to go?”
“Ya,” I slam my locker shut and we walk out hand in hand.
This break is going to be full of emotion. I can tell.
It is snowing as Edwin and I rush out to the car. It’s freezing, so we blast the heat and wait to warm up.
“We’re lucky you have a car.” I say. “Since Amber and Ashton are going some place and couldn’t be bothered to take us home.”
“Yeah…” He says, starting his car. “What did you do when she had to stay after or something and couldn’t take you home?”
“I hitched rides with friends or, depending on the weather, walked.” I shrug.
“Ouch.” He says, glancing over at me before turning out of the school parking lot. “Why does she have a car and not you?”
“Well we both got jobs the summer after sophomore year, but I saved all my money and she bought herself a car.” I answer.
“You didn’t want a car?” He questions.
“Nah. I mean, it’d be nice… but… I don’t know. I never really thought about it… I always just bugged Amber for a ride.” I say and laugh. Edwin laughs too.
We pull up at our house and we get out. As I hang up my coat, Edwin disappears somewhere.
“Edwin?” I call to my otherwise empty house.
“One sec, don’t move!” I hear from the kitchen area. A minute later I hear, “Alright, come here.”
I do as told and walk into the kitchen. Edwin meets me there and hands me one of the two mugs he is holding in his hands. I glance towards the living room where I hear gently Christmas carols playing and notice he has lit our fireplace.
He leads me to the couch and we sit down. I curl up next to him and blow on my hot coco in the mug he had gave me.
“This is very romantic.” I tell him, smiling.
“I figured you’d like to relax and start your break off nice.” He responds.
“Well, thank you.” I smile, and lean over to kiss his cheek.
“You’re very welcome.” He says, smiling right on back at me.
I snuggle up to him and sip my hot chocolate. We watch the fire dance and make small talk. A thought hits me and I get up.
“There is a Christmas tree that needs to be set up. Help me set it up?”
“Sure!” He says
I lead him down into the basement and we both bring up a box.
“What are you guys doing?” I hear Amber ask as we reach the top of the stairs.
“We’re going to set up the ole Christmas tree!”
“Yey, Ashton! Come on, we’re going to set up the Christmas tree!”
Ashton comes and we all bring up boxes.
“It’s a fake tree, but Hazel and I set it up every year,” Amber explains as we open the boxes of tree pieces, ornaments, and lights.
“Hey, Amber! It’s our Santa hats!” I put on my hat.
“Very nice,” Edwin says.
I toss Amber her hat.
“There we go, now we are ready to set up this tree,” Amber says and laughs.
We set up the tree and put on the ornaments and lights. We all laugh and have a great time. The true feeling of Christmas is felt in all of us.
“Ok, it’s time for the top!” Amber yells and gets it out of the box.
“I’ll help you,” Ashton says.
He lifts her up to the top of the tree and she sticks it on. He sets her back down and we all step back and admire our handy work.
“So amazing,” Amber says and gives me a high five.
I nod and look at the lights.
Just then a flash goes off behind us, and we all jump. We turn around to find our Dad standing there with his camera in his hand, laughing.
“Jeez! Warn us next time!” Amber says.
“Okay.” He replies. “Then all of you in front of the tree, I want a good picture.”
Amber and I roll our eyes. Dad took pictures of _everything_! Edwin puts his arm around my waist, I link my arm through Amber’s and Ashton slings his arm over Amber’s shoulders. We all smile and Dad takes the picture. Amber and I look at each other and yell “silly picture!” We all laugh and make stupid poses.
“Oh, my gosh!” Amber yells suddenly.
“What?” I laugh.
“We have to go caroling!” She exclaims. I laugh.
“You boys wanna come?” I ask.
“Sure.” They say. We all split up to find winter coats, gloves, and boots. Amber and I keep our Santa hats on and our wearing our matching gloves. Putting up our Christmas tree and going out caroling together on the first day of break was a tradition we’d carried on as long as we could remember.
The four of us leave the house laughing. Amber and I walk past our neighbor’s house.
“Why didn’t we go there?” Ashton asks, pointing towards the house we skipped.
“They’re not home from work yet.” I shrug.
We go from house to house, singing and having a good time. We go to almost every house around our block. By the time we come home, our faces are flushed from laughing and the cold weather.
“You guys have fun?” My mom asks when we walk in.
“Yep!” Amber answers.
“Mrs. Lovedie,” Edwin says, still laughing, and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Why didn’t you ever tell me how amazing your daughters are at singing?”
“Stop it!” I say, blushing.
“What?!” He says, looking offended. “I’m only saying the truth.”
“Both our daughters have always been good singers. And they both love to sing around Christmas.” My mom laughs.
“Thanks Mom…” I say, laughing. “Yeah, we love it… but we’re not amazing!”
I sit at the table the next morning eating breakfast and sipping hot chocolate. I look at my phone and wonder when Chris is going to call. Just like that “Love Story” plays on my phone. I flip it open.
“Good morning Chris.”
“Hey, I am kidnapping you for the day with me. Get reading and I’ll be at your driveway in a half hour.”
I laugh, “Where are you taking me?”
“Hope you have ice skates.” He tells me then hangs up.
I chug my hot chocolate and take a shower.
“Mom, where are my ice skates?” I say while pounding down the stairs.
“It’s in the garage in a box with all the other winter things. Where are you going?”
“Ice skating with a friend.”
I run into the garage and search in the winter box. After searching for ten minutes, I find my skates in the bottom of course. I put on all my stuff as fast as possible. I hear the horn honk, five minutes early. I make sure my hat is fixed right and grab my ice skates.
“You’re early,” I tell him while I slip into his car.
“I know, but I want to spend this day with you. Every minute counts.” He grins like he has a big secret.
“What are you hiding?” I ask in suspicion.
He laughs, “It’s going to take a lot more to get that out of me.”I smile and sit back. There is no way he is going to tell me. He turns on Christmas music; I turn my head towards him.
“Christmas music?”
“Heck ya!” He turns it up.
I laugh. We sing the music like crazy people. When we go down a familiar road, I realize where we are going.
“We are going to the lake aren’t we?”
“Smart girl.”
The car stops and we get out. The amazing winter whit blinds my eyes as I stare into the beautiful trees and knee deep snow.
“This is amazing.”
“Mhm.” He agrees. “I come up here every day and work on it.”
“What?” I say, looking over at him.
“Mhm. I smooth out the ice and add a chemical to it. It’s my own personal ice rink.” Chris tells me, pride thick in his voice.
“Wow!” I say, impressed. “You really did this?”
“Yep! All me.” He says, walking to a bench I just notice by the lake. “I’ve never shown any one else this lake…”
“Oh…” I say, joining him on the bench. “Why not?”
“Because… this was my spot… My parents own the land, and it has been my get away since I could drive… I just, felt something with you… if that makes any sense… so I brought you here. It was about time I shared this sanctuary with someone else.” Chris shrugs.
“Well thank you.” I say, hugging him. “Now can we skate?”
He laughs and stands up walking over to the ice. I stand and follow him. Gingerly, I step out on the ice, taking Chris’ hand.
“Careful now.” He says, still holding my hand.
“It has been ages since I’ve ice skated!” I exclaim, wobbling a bit.
“I’ll catch you if you fall.” Chris says smiling at me.
“Promise?” I ask.
“I promise.” He reassures me.
He takes my hand and guides me once around the lake. Eventually, my muscles remember the feeling and I don’t need Chris’ hand any more. This doesn’t stop him from holding it though. I smile at the thought of us gliding around this private lake of his.
Some time later Chris asks, “Hungry?”
As he asks my stomach grumbles, “Yes.”
He laughs, having heard my stomach. “I made reservations for us at a nearby restaurant.”
“Oh?” I ask. “Where?”
“You’ll see!” He tells me, dragging me back to the bench so we can change out of our skates.
I take one last look at the lake before going into his car. We drive, Christmas music blasting again. I look out the window into the winter wonderland of the trees and the snow. Look over to Chris and he is looking at me. He looks away as if he was caught doing something wrong. He slowly glances back at me in the cutest face ever. I grin and giggle. He laughs then looks back at the road. I sigh and draw out his face in my head. His eyes and smile make me smile. I tilt my head back onto the seat. How does his smile just affect me so much?
“What are you smiling about? I didn’t know the road was that interesting,” he jokes.
“I was just thinking,” I say, hoping he will just let it go and not ask me.
“About what?”
I laugh, “nothing…”
“Oh, its something alright. It is always something when you smile like that.”
“How do you know that?”
“I notice things. I notice a lot of things about you.”
“Oh really?”
“Ya, like that ring. The one with a heart on it, you always wear that.”
I look at my finger and see the ring.
My parents gave me that ring for my sixteenth birthday,” I explain, “and I have worn it ever since. That is a random thing to notice.”
“Well, here we are,” He changes the subject.
I let it go and look out side. He had pulled into a spot near this village. I don’t recall how long this drive has been, but I have never been in this village before.
“Where are we?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he grins.
“I looks like a cute village,” I say.
“That is because it is a cute village,” He says in a girly voice.
His voice makes me laugh really hard. We get out of the car and walk into this restaurant. I didn’t catch the name, but the inside was beautiful. It was old English style, even the waiters were wearing gowns. Sweet music is being played by a guy playing a grand piano.
“I feel so underdressed,” I tell him, looking at my clothes.
“Nah, you like great.”
I smile at his kind words and we walk up to the hostess. She takes us to our seats. Our table is lite by candle light and has all silver plates and utensils.
“I thought you would like the old English style.”
“I do.”
“Order whatever you want. It’s all on me,” he tells me as I open the menu. I check the prices and almost fall out of my chair.
“Chris…”
“Just order anything all right. Its totally on me.”
I sigh and read it over. Everything sounds amazing, and pricy.
“What are you having?”
“Steak, I love steak.”
“I’ll have that too I guess,” I decide.
The waiter comes up.
“Hello, what are you having?”
“Both of us will have the steak,” He states.
“Alright, It will be here in a giffy.”
She leaves and we talk. We talk about what has been going on since we haven’t talked and we get way in deep into the conversation that we barely even notice our food has come right in front of us. We stop to eat for a while then just pick up right were we leave off. We laugh along like we have been friends forever with jokes nobody would get. Our food is taken away, but we continue to talk.
“Ok, lets go for a walk in the village.” He says after paying the waiter.
We both get up and walk out. I feel a cold breeze and button up my jacket. Putting my hands in my pockets, I stroll this little village with him. We talk some more and walk into stores. It feels like I am hanging out at the mall with a friend, but it feels like so much more. I feel more comfortable with him then I do with anyone.
“Try on this hat,” He says and hands me this hat with a big feather on the side.
I laugh, “ok, but then you have to wear this.”
I grab a simalar hat. He laughs.
“ok.”
We both walk to the mirror and check ourselves out.
“I have to take a picture of this,” I pull out my phone.
“Chicks and their pictures,” He sighs.
We get close and make goofy faces. I take the picture and we look at it.
“We look amazing,” he jokes.
“Oh, we so do.”
“Send that picture to me.”
“Okie dokie,” I send it to him.
He flips his phone open and waits for the picture to come. He then starts clicking a bunch of buttons.
“What are you doing?”
“Hold on,” He continues pushing buttons.
“Ok,” he gives me the phone.
I look and I see our picture on his wallpaper. The banner says,
Aren’t we amazing?
I laugh, “That is cool.”
“Just cool?”
“Ok, its great.”
“Hell ya.”
We walk from store to store until its starts to get dark.“Now we have to have this amazing dessert. You like chocolate cake?” He says holding the door for me.
“Ya!”
He orders to slices and we sit down.
“If you don’t like this, there is something wrong with you,” He puts his fork in his slice and takes a piece.
I fork up a piece and put it into my mouth. The taste melts in my mouth and my taste buds have a party.
“This is really really good!”
“Ya, I know!”
I savor every piece of the cake even though it’s a big slice.
“Wow, you ate the whole thing?”
“Ya, it was really good,” I say, wipping my lips with a napkin.
He gets up and takes my plate. He throws it away.
“Come on. Lets go.”
“I would ask you where you’re going to take me, but I know you not going to tell me.”
“Nope I am not.”
We walk out the back door.
“Why did we just…” My voice trails off as I look around me.The path ahead is aligned with trees. Those trees are lit up in lights.
“That is why,” he finishes.
He takes my hand and leads me down the path. The end of the path had a court with a large evergreen in the middle. His face starts to look nervous.
“Are you ok?”
He sighs, “Yes, I am great.”
He swings our hands and we come up to the tree.
“Turn around,” He says.
“Why? What are you going to do?”
“Just turn around!”
I turn around.
“Don’t look back until I say so.”
I suddenly see something light up behind me and I almost turn.
“Not yet!” I hear him yell from a distance.
I hear him run towards me and search for something in his pocket.
“Ok, turn around,” He says with excitement in his voice.
I turn in gasp. The evergreen was full of lights. No spot in the tree is without light and I am almost blinded by it. That wasn’t what surprises me. What surprises me it what he is dangling in front of me. He is dangling a necklace with the heart that is the same shape as the one on my ring.
“I saw this and remembered it matches your ring. Do you like it?”
“I love it,” I say sweetly.
“Want me to but it on?”
“Ya.”
I turn and pull up my hair. The winter air blows onto my neck and sends shivers down my spine. I feel his hands on my neck clasping the necklace and I get another shiver. When he puts his hands down and I turn towards him. Our eyes meet and I gasp for air again. He leans in closer and so do I. A shockwave of feelings enter me again like it did that one day on the lake. Butterflies fill my stomach. My feelings overcome me and I come in even closer. He puts his hand on my cheek and our lips finally touch. A whole new shockwave enters my body and I kiss him back. I put my hands on his neck and we continue kissing. I feel weightless and sparks fly. My tongue begins to trace his mouth and he pulls me closer to him. He hands fall down to my waist. When we finally need air, we both part with grins on our faces. Gasping for air, we both stand in silence looking into each other’s eyes. His hands never leave my waist.
“Your… wow…” He says still gasping for air.
“Wow,” I repeat.
We stand there until we realize it is really time to leave. Then there we are, the car siting in my driveway.
“I had the most amazing time of my life,” he looks into my eyes.
“Me too,” I say
My emotions overcome me again and I lean in and kiss him. The same sparks fly. We part and he sighs.
“Bye,” I kiss him on the cheek.
“Bye, I’ll call you,” He says and I get out.
I look back at the car once more before walking into the door. When I hear voices, the thought hits me. Edwin. I stand at the door and prepare myself to look as if nothing happened. I can’t believe I totally forgot about Edwin. My stomach starts to feel sick. I walk downstairs into the basement and the laughter increases.
“Hazel!” Edwin yells and runs to me.
He kisses me and Chris enters my head. Edwin doesn’t even come close.
“Hey Edwin,” I try to seem excited.
“Where have you been? I called you a couple of times.”
I check my phone. Four missed calls, crap.
“I am sorry, I was out with some friends for the day.”
I see a supicious look on Ambers face, but I keep my face straight.“So sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Its ok,” Edwin says.
“So, what have you guys been doing?”
“We put up the christmas lights outside,” Ashton explains.
“Sounds fun.”
I go and plop down onto the couch. Our basement is like a game room. Amber and I haven’t hung out down here in a while.
“Ashton almost fell off the ladder,” Amber points out and then they start up a conversation.
I space out and Chris enters my head again. I recall the feeling of my hands on his cheeks and my lips on his.
“Hazel? Where is your head?” Edwin jumps me back.
“I am sorry, I am just tired. I am going to head off to bed,” I get up.
“Ok, good night.” Edwin kisses me.
I ignore it, “Good night everyone.”
I run up the two flights of stairs and run into my room. Closing the door behind me, I plop onto my bed. My hands trace the necklace and I flash back to our kiss. A thought hits me, none of them noticed the necklace. Maybe that is why Amber looked at my weird. I am going to have to lie my way out of this one. I groan in anger. How is this ever going to work? I push the thoughts out. I’ll save that for tomorrow. I close my eyes and Chris’s face appears. His face stays there when I fall asleep and in my dreams.
“Hazel!” I hear, waking me from a pleasant dream I was having of Chris and me.
“Hmm…?” I groan, sitting up and blinking in the dark.
”What the hell is around your neck?!” Amber hisses from the darkness. Suddenly she is right next to me, flipping on a little light and grabbing the necklace I had forgotten to take off.
”Oh, uh…” I stumble over my words, trying to come up with what to say.
“It’s beautiful!” Amber gushes. “Chris gave it to you didn’t he?”
Dang, she was good. I look away and shrug sheepishly, “Yeah… He did.”
“That boy has it bad for you… I see the way he looks at you I the hallways. You’re just lucky Edwin doesn’t believe the rumors.” Amber tells me, still fingering my necklace.
“What rumors?” I ask sharply.
“Oh… Uhm…” It’s her turn to fall over her words. “People are just saying some things…”
“What people?” I question, anger beginning to bubble inside of me. “What are they saying?”
“Just… that… well… that you’re cheating on Edwin with Chris.”
“What?!”
“Shh! You’ll wake everyone!”
“I can’t believe this! I…” I start, my anger fuming. I’m about to say I would never hurt Edwin like that but my thoughts flicker back to the kiss I shared with _Chris_ tonight and I instantly feel my cheeks get warm.
“Hazel…” Amber gives me a questioning look. “I’ll believe what ever you tell me… I’m your sister, but also your best friend… I get that you and Chris are good friends… but did you do anything with him?”
“Oh Amber!” I break down, my voice cracks and what I did settles on top of me like a thick dark blanket. “Chris kissed me tonight… and I kissed him back! And oh Amber! It was heavenly!”
Amber sits up straighter, looking away from me. I search her face desperately, searching for signs of what she’d say or what I should do but her face was unreadable. For five minutes, I wait for her to say something, anything. I’m tearing myself up inside. I loved Chris, yet I pretend to love Edwin. I cheated on my fiancé. I couldn’t believe myself. I hated myself for not having more self control.
Tears are pouring down my face by the time Amber looks back towards me. When she sees me her face softens a bit. “I… I don’t know what to tell you…” She looks as troubled as I feel. She leans over and hugs me. “It’ll work out…” She says and then stands and goes to her own bed.
“Thanks for not hating me…” I say into the darkness.
“I could never hate you. You are my sister for heaven’s sake!” She responds. “Goodnight.”
“Night…” I say, lying back in down. I fall asleep holding onto the necklace from Chris.
Chapter 5
A week later and it’s Friday again. The whole week was filled with hanging out with Chris and seeing Edwin in between. Edwin has been closer to me since our dance last Friday. I don’t know what to think about that. There is just nothing there. I am getting really close to Chris though, he is becoming a really great friend. Amber and Ashton are really close, they are the it couple.
Chris and I are walking to our second hour together. We are laughing along, like always.
“So what are you doing today?” He asks, keeping the conversation going.
“Nothing… Edwin hasn’t said anything yet.”
“Well then I guess I get to make plans with you first,” He smiles.
“Ya, I guess you do. Want to go to the lake?” I suggest.
“Nah, maybe we will do something different.”
“Oh?” I say. “And what did you have in mind?”
“Maybe we could get a slice to eat?” He says, looking a little embarrassed. It confused me for a moment and then I realized how it would look, if we were eating together… alone…
“I’d like to…” I say.
“I know this place. It’s a bit of a drive, but at least no one from school should see us there.” Chris tells me.
“I love how you know what I’m thinking.” I say, smiling at him.
He laughs as he lets me go into our second hour ahead of him. The day went by fast, and surprisingly, Edwin didn’t ask me to do anything after school. This meant I was free to go with Chris on our “non date”, as we were calling it.
On the drive out, we have the stereo blasting and the windows rolled down to enjoy the summer air. I have on my shades and my hair is flying around messily. Chris glances over at me and laughs
“What?” I demand.
“You look cute.” He says and I blush.
“Oh, thanks.” I say, smiling.
“Okay, we’re here.” Chris says, also smiling.
We both get out of the car and head inside to find a seat. A waitress comes up to take our order.
“What’ll it be?” She asks.
“Uh, is a meat lovers okay with you?” Chris asks me.
“Yep, perfectly fine!” I say, my smile melting the uncertainty from his face.
The pizza comes and we eat and talk. We share stories about our childhood, our families, school, and friends. With Chris I feel like I can tell him absolutely anything. It was a very nice feeling.
He drives me home about an hour and a half later. I walk in smiling, like I have been since we left school. My muscles hurt from all the smiling and laughing I’ve been doing.
I walk up to my room and set my stuff down, before falling down onto my bed. I was so happy at the moment.
Amber walks in and looks at me, “What are you so happy about?”
I think quickly, “Oh, I was just hanging with Chris.”
“Oh, just hanging…”
“Yes, that’s it.”
“Look Hazel, your going to be married at the end of this year. Married! Are you seriously going on dates with this guy?”
I sit up and look stunned by her question.
“No, we are just friends.”
“Ya, sure.”
“We are!”
“Hazel, if you are lieing to me, then your lieing to Edwin. Edwin was really happy after that date, he told Ashton that he is really happy when he’s around you. Don’t mess with Edwin, Hazel, he’s a really great guy.”
“I am not messing with him! Chris and I are just friends!”
I run out of the room and run downstairs. I sit down onto the livingroom couch and turn on the tv. Edwin comes down. He kisses me on the cheek before sitting next to me.
“Hey, what did you do after school?” he asks
“I was hanging with Chris.”
“Oh,” his face falls.
“No, no, we are just working on a project,” I lie. I can’t stand to see him that upset.
“Oh ok,” His smile returns.
Silence hits the air as I flip channels. Nothing is on, just what I needed…
“Let’s watch a movie,” He says randomly.
“Ok, the movies are over there, feel free to pick one out yourself.”
He picks out one of my dad’s movies that I have never seen before but he claims it is really good. I decide to see just how much he cares for me. When Edwin sits back down, I shift m weight and lay my head on his shoulder. Instinctually, he wraps his arm around my waist. I smile; this was my favorite position to be in while watching movies.
Around an hour later, I sit up and look at Edwin. “You want some popcorn?” I ask.
He glances at the clock and so do I; it has been almost an hour since I got home. “Sure.” He says, shrugging.
“You can keep the movie going.” I say as I stand up and head to the kitchen. I grab the popcorn and put it in the microwave when I hear the movie stop. I shake my head and set the timer for the popcorn. As I hit start, I feel hands wrap around my waist and a head nuzzle my neck before I feel lips brush along my skin.
I smile slightly, and lean back against him.
“I didn’t want you getting lonely.” He whispers in my ear. His voice was low and husky, sending shivers down my spine. I laugh a little nervously, not use to him like this.
“Thanks…” I say, turning in his arms to look at him. For a second I think I see pain on his face, but as fast as it appeared it was gone. I take a deep breath and then meet his eyes. His eyes flick to my lips and back, and I respond with the slightest movement of my head. He hesitates for a moment and then leans towards me. Both of our eyes close slowly as our lips meet.
I wait… but nothing happens inside of me. I don’t pull away from him, but I can feel something missing in our kiss. Something just wasn’t right about it. I am about to pull away when I feel something new in his kiss. I feel pain and I remember he was in love before coming here… and all I’ve done was snuck around with another guy…
I take a gasping breath and then kiss Edwin with all the passion I can muster. Things start really getting heated when the popcorn timer sounds. I try to break away but Edwin grips me tighter.
“Bay…” He moans softly. I break way from him in an instant.
“Who?” I ask.
“Crap.” He looks horrified. “Bay… Bailey is… was my girlfriend before we came here…”
I nod, but turn and get the popcorn out of the microwave.
“Hazel.” Edwin says, pleadingly. I refuse to look at him. I could understand he was hurting, but he initiated that. I would not pretend to be some other girl for him. I get a bowl and spill the popcorn into it. I walk back to the living room and sit on the opposite side of the couch from where we were at first. “Hazel, please… I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” I say, coldly. He sighs, knowing better then to continue.
“We don’t have to finish watching this, ya know.” He says quietly.
“I know.” I say. “I want to.”
He didn’t argue. He hit play and we finish the movie in silence. When I am done with the popcorn I had it to him. He takes it but doesn’t eat any. I leave when the movie finishes, not having a clue what I just saw.
Tomorrow I call up Chris.
“Hey, can you come pick me up. I need to talk to you.”
“Ok, everything alright.”
Within a couple of minutes I hear the honk of the horn. I come down the stairs and kiss Edwin bye.
“I am going out for a moment, be back soon.”
“Ok,” He kisses me back.
I run out the door and go into his car. We drive to the lake. Music is turned up like usual, but this time I did not sing. When we arrive, we walk and sit on the grass.
“Chris?” I say getting his attention.
He looks at me with a smile, but it falls when he sees the concern on my face. I look down and sigh.
“I can’t do this anymore, being here with you. Edwin has been through so much…”
“This is all about him?” He interrupts, “What about what you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, I am going to be married Chris. I can’t…”
“What? You can’t be with me because you feel bad for Edwin!?”
“I am sorry…”
“That is all you have to say!? You can’t be here with me because of him. What about what you want!? What about what I want!? If you can seriously tell me you have feelings for Edwin, then I will some what understand what you are telling me!”
“I…”
“Exactly! I guess I don’t matter to you do I?”
Tears start for fall from my face as Chris gets up and leaves me all alone at the lake. What did I just do? I just ruined a friendship with a guy. There is nothing I can do to change any of it! I pound the ground in anger. The tears fall harder.
The sun slips behind the horizon as I stare blankly ahead of me. I haven’t moved since Chris walked away, leaving me stranded alone with no way to contact any because I’d left my cell in his car.
I sat there as the night turned black. No one would find me here, and I didn’t want anyone to. The night was warm and the soothing sounds of the beautiful wilderness lulled me to sleep.
I wake the next morning stiff and disorientated. I glance around me and see something laying in the grass a few feet away. I walk of and pick up my cell. I open it and a note falls to the ground.
_Your family is worried about you. They yelled at me, but I told them you wanted to be alone and I knew where you were and you were safe. That’s when I realized you had no way of contacting them… So I came back to talk, but you were asleep and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb your peaceful slumber. Call me when you can._
Immediately, I dial Chris’ number.
“Hello?” He says groggily.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you…” I say.
“It’s fine…” He mumbles.
“You… wanted to talk?” I ask timidly.
“I… can’t be friends with you if you don’t want to be more. I do. And until I lose these feelings for you it’s better if we don’t see each other more then we have to. I’m sorry Hazel. Bye.” I stare at my cell.
After a moment I take a deep breath and call my sister’s cell. She answers and is furious. I don’t explain, just tell her where I am and beg her to come get me. I wait for her, my body numb. I don’t talk on the way home, and explain it once to a furious family. My parents ground me from going anywhere for a week. I say ok and then ask to be excused to go to my room.
Edwin follows me upstairs so I don’t close my door behind me.
“I was worried he’d hurt you…” Edwin says, staring at his hands.
“I’m sorry… I knew it was the right thing to end it between me and him… I just didn’t think it’d end so badly…” I say, tiredly.
“Yeah… I’m sorry…” Edwin says, coming over and hugging me quickly. “I’m sure you want to be alone right now… I know what it’s like to have to leave a loved one…”
With that Edwin leaves my room. I don’t move for anything the rest of the night. I eat very little and say next to nothing the rest of the weekend. School just makes my mood worse. Chris is now hitting up Claire, usually right in front of me. So much for trying to get over me. I spend as much time with Edwin as I can handle, which usually isn’t very much.
The next few weeks are much the same. I move through life in a zombie-like state. My family is worried about me, I can see that on their faces, but it takes effort that I don’t have to fake being alright. My sister and mother think that Homecoming will cheer me up, but I’m not sure. Chris is taking Claire, which means he’ll come to dinner with Edwin, Ashton, Amber, and I.
“Come on Hazel!” Amber calls out from downstairs. “We’ll be late for the big game.”
I drag myself downstairs. The dance was tomorrow, and I’m hoping that the dancing will help clear my mind.
Edwin takes my hand as we walk to the stands. I am dressed in school colors to seem like I am peppy, but in truth I feel terrible. I see Claire holding Chris’s hand and I almost loose it. My face turns cold and my eyes start to water.
“Can we sit somewhere farther away?” I ask as we are really close to Chris and Claire.
“Ya sure,” Edwin smiles and leads me to the other side of the stands.
Ashton and Amber just follow. They have no idea what is going on, they are just laughing about something. We sit and the game begins. I can’t stop myself from looking to where Chris and Claire are sitting. Claire has her head on his shoulder. I frown and look away. I feel Edwin’s arm touch my hip and he pulls me in closer for comfort. I try to ignore it and focus on the game. When that fails, I start to zone out. I become a zombie again, like I have been for weeks. I put my head on Edwin’s shoulder and close my eyes. I am in a half sleep for some time until I hear some extreme cheering. I open my eyes and see we are about to win the game. About twenty seconds are left.
“Want to run the field?” Edwin asks me.
“Sure,” I say, I always liked to run the field after a game.
We get up and make your way to the fence. When the game ends, the cheering gets louder and we all hop over the fence and run to the middle of the field. Edwin has my hand and he grins at me. Ashton and Amber are cheering like mad, but I don’t feel happy at all. What is wrong with me?
The next day Amber gets me up at 9 am.
“What?” I groan.
“We have to go get our hair and nails done.” She says. “Grab a book or something to do.”
I groan again, but get up. I throw on a random pair of sweats and a tee shirt and find Amber waiting n her car for me. We head out to the local beauty salon and start with our nails. I read my book and have my iPod in my ear, drowning out the world.
I let Amber decide how I should do my hair, because I just can’t make myself care enough to think.
By the time both of us are all done it is 11 am. We stop at McDonald’s for a quick lunch, taking it home to share with the guys.
When we walk in Edwin sees me. “Wow, I love your hair.” He says, smiling and coming over to hug me.
“Thanks.” I say, managing a smile. “We have food!” I say, lifting the bag.
“Food?” Ashton asks, coming around the corner and hugging Amber.
I laugh slightly, “Yes.”
We all sit down at the table and chat. It’s mindless, so I don’t have to hard a time managing to stay involved. Around two thirty, Amber and I head up stairs to get ready. Our friends are coming over at four for pictures, and then dinner is at five. The dance begins at seven.
In our room, we get out our dresses. Amber’s is a beautiful cream colored halter top dress, with an empire waste band in gold and covered in sparkles. Mine is a white v-neck spaghetti dress. A blue bow created an empire waste band and there were blue designs randomly on it. We slip into them, careful not to mess our hair. We do our make-up, well Amber does mine and then we sit down on out beds.
“Hazel, what’s been with you?” Amber asks.
“Just… depressed…” I say, not looking at her.
“About what? You’re being married to an amazing guy.” She says cautiously.
“Amber… Remember when we were little girls?” I say suddenly.
“Yeah… So?” She looks at me with a question in her eyes.
“Remember when we use to talk about finding the perfect guy? And being happy with him for over 50 years? Like Grandma and Grandpa? How we wanted to have a relationship full of love, like theirs?” I explain.
“Yeah… we stayed up half the night after their 50th anniversary party talking about how we wanted to be just like them…” She says slowly.
“Amber… When Edwin kisses me… I don’t _feel_ anything. *Nothing!*” I say, hurriedly. When she doesn’t say anything I continue in a hushed tone. “How can I be with him for 50 years if there is no feeling in our relationship?”
“Oh, Hun…” Amber cries, seeing the tears form in my eyes. She crosses the room and wraps her arms around me. “It’ll be ok. Just don’t cry, I’ve already done your make-up…”
I laugh as I hug her back, and will the tears out of my eyes.
“Alright, let’s just make the best of tonight, ok Hazel. You dance the way you love to, like no one is watching. Forget about everything that is going wrong right now. Just have a good time because you deserve it and because this is our last homecoming.”
“Ok,” I smile.
We check ourselves in the mirror.
“We are some pretty hot chicas,” Amber says and makes a pose.
“Heck ya,” I smile again.
“Let’s do this. Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
We link arm and arm and walk down the stairs to our dates below. Edwin grins when he sees me. He seems to be awestruck and I smile back at him. We reach the bottom of the stairs and I take Edwin’s hand.
“You look… amazing…” Edwin says in a sweet voice.
“Thank you, you look good too,” I smile at him.
We talk until I hear the doorbell ring. I take a deep breath and answer the door. Edwin stands behind me for comfort. It’s Chris and Claire. Chris looked at me, he looked great.
I fake a smile, “How nice of you guys to come.”
“This homecoming is going to be amazing!” Claire shouts and hugs me.
Oh ya, it’s going to be amazing all right. They step in and make small talk. I swallow down my sadness and talk with them like nothing is wrong. Amber is right this is my last homecoming, I might as well make the best of it.
Ashton drives us four in the Cadillac and Chris drives Claire separately. We both get to the restaurant right at 5 and we all file in to our table. Edwin helps me out of my coat, hangs it over the back of my chair, and the proceeds to pull out my chair for me. I notice a brief glance from Chris, well it is more of a glare then a glance, towards Edwin.
I can’t help myself. I smile up at Edwin and in my sweetest voice I say, “Thank you.”
I notice Chris scowl then turn his attention to Claire, giving her his undivided attention, or at least pretending to. I turn to Edwin and make small talk. He tells me over and over again how gorgeous I am… but I think he’s trying to make up for calling me Bailey still.
Ever since that incident and the Chris incident, Edwin has been super generous in the compliments department. I appreciate it, but I still wonder if he truly means it or is just trying to make up for things. I brush the thought away as our food comes and we dig in.
After we all finish eating, Edwin offers to pay for me. I refuse, letting him know he doesn’t have to pay for me but of course, he pays anyways. Ashton drives us to the dance, with Chris following behind us. The closer we get the more nervous I am. I can’t stop thinking about Chris. I wonder what is going through his mind, and if he still cares about me. Only, I feel bad now thinking about Chris with Edwin so close.
I push Chris from my mind as Ashton parks the car. We get out and wait as Chris parks and the two of them join us. The six of us walk up to the school and into the cafeteria, where here were bags lined along the tables for us to put our stuff in.
Edwin and I share a bag. We put our coats and stuff in the bag and then head to the gym where we can hear music blasting. A rap song is blaring and I can’t understand a single word being said. Edwin and I stop as Amber, Ashton, Claire, Chris join us. We all begin dancing.
I let the music take me and just as easily as we had the first time Edwin and I danced, we slipped into a perfect rhythm with each other. I let myself go. I let go of all that I’ve been holding up inside of me for so many weeks. After a few songs, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I look up to the ceiling and laugh, really getting into the music.
“Wow, I’ve missed that sound.” Edwin whisper-yells in my ear to be heard over the music.
I just continue smiling and dancing. About half-way through the dance, everyone switches partners. Amber asks to with Edwin, and I let her. Then Claire takes Ashton, and so I’m left with Chris. I walk up to him.
“Guess it’s me and you.” He says, a hint of pain in his voice.
“You don’t have to dance with me…” I tell him. He doesn’t answer, just turns me around and puts his hands on my hips. Dancing with him was even easier then dancing with Edwin had been. Even though we hadn’t talked or touched in weeks, all my feelings for him flared up the moment I felt his body against mine.
We danced for another song, before rotating partners again. By the end of the dance I’d danced with Chris two more times. Neither of us really talked about it, not wanting anyone to get suspicious of us.
When the dance ends, my feet are killing me. I walk out arm in arm with Edwin and Ashton and Amber next to us.
“Have fun tonight?” Edwin asks me.
“Yeah, lots!” I say, finally feeling like the life dampening curtain that had been thrust over me was lifted, if only for a while.
“I’m glad to see you smile, Hay.” He says to me gently.
“Me too.” Amber chimes in.
I laugh, “Thanks guys.”
On the ride how we blasted some new pop song and we all attempted to sing along, failing miserably. We all walk inside laughing uncontrollably.
“Looks like you guys had a good time.” My mom says, walking into the foyer to see us.
“Yep.” We all answer, nodding.
“I’m beat…”Amber says.
“Me too…” I nod.
“Night.” Edwin says to me. Mom walks out of the room, saying goodnight over her shoulder. Edwin leans down and kisses my cheek, “Sweet dreams.”
“You too.” I say before I head off after Amber, up to our room.
I change into my favorite plaid lounge pants and a tank top. I pull my hair back into a pony tail and head to the bathroom to wash m make-up off my face. Amber was already on her bed, waiting for me.
“Hazel, I’m really glad to see you like this.” She says. “And I’m glad you had fun. You totally deserved it.”
I laugh as I sit down on my bed cross legged, facing my sister. “Thanks. It was nice to finally just let loose and have fun.”
We talk for a little longer, but we are both exhausted from the night. We turn out our light and I fall asleep almost instantly.
Chris and I are walking to our second hour together. We are laughing along, like always.
“So what are you doing today?” He asks, keeping the conversation going.
“Nothing… Edwin hasn’t said anything yet.”
“Well then I guess I get to make plans with you first,” He smiles.
“Ya, I guess you do. Want to go to the lake?” I suggest.
“Nah, maybe we will do something different.”
“Oh?” I say. “And what did you have in mind?”
“Maybe we could get a slice to eat?” He says, looking a little embarrassed. It confused me for a moment and then I realized how it would look, if we were eating together… alone…
“I’d like to…” I say.
“I know this place. It’s a bit of a drive, but at least no one from school should see us there.” Chris tells me.
“I love how you know what I’m thinking.” I say, smiling at him.
He laughs as he lets me go into our second hour ahead of him. The day went by fast, and surprisingly, Edwin didn’t ask me to do anything after school. This meant I was free to go with Chris on our “non date”, as we were calling it.
On the drive out, we have the stereo blasting and the windows rolled down to enjoy the summer air. I have on my shades and my hair is flying around messily. Chris glances over at me and laughs
“What?” I demand.
“You look cute.” He says and I blush.
“Oh, thanks.” I say, smiling.
“Okay, we’re here.” Chris says, also smiling.
We both get out of the car and head inside to find a seat. A waitress comes up to take our order.
“What’ll it be?” She asks.
“Uh, is a meat lovers okay with you?” Chris asks me.
“Yep, perfectly fine!” I say, my smile melting the uncertainty from his face.
The pizza comes and we eat and talk. We share stories about our childhood, our families, school, and friends. With Chris I feel like I can tell him absolutely anything. It was a very nice feeling.
He drives me home about an hour and a half later. I walk in smiling, like I have been since we left school. My muscles hurt from all the smiling and laughing I’ve been doing.
I walk up to my room and set my stuff down, before falling down onto my bed. I was so happy at the moment.
Amber walks in and looks at me, “What are you so happy about?”
I think quickly, “Oh, I was just hanging with Chris.”
“Oh, just hanging…”
“Yes, that’s it.”
“Look Hazel, your going to be married at the end of this year. Married! Are you seriously going on dates with this guy?”
I sit up and look stunned by her question.
“No, we are just friends.”
“Ya, sure.”
“We are!”
“Hazel, if you are lieing to me, then your lieing to Edwin. Edwin was really happy after that date, he told Ashton that he is really happy when he’s around you. Don’t mess with Edwin, Hazel, he’s a really great guy.”
“I am not messing with him! Chris and I are just friends!”
I run out of the room and run downstairs. I sit down onto the livingroom couch and turn on the tv. Edwin comes down. He kisses me on the cheek before sitting next to me.
“Hey, what did you do after school?” he asks
“I was hanging with Chris.”
“Oh,” his face falls.
“No, no, we are just working on a project,” I lie. I can’t stand to see him that upset.
“Oh ok,” His smile returns.
Silence hits the air as I flip channels. Nothing is on, just what I needed…
“Let’s watch a movie,” He says randomly.
“Ok, the movies are over there, feel free to pick one out yourself.”
He picks out one of my dad’s movies that I have never seen before but he claims it is really good. I decide to see just how much he cares for me. When Edwin sits back down, I shift m weight and lay my head on his shoulder. Instinctually, he wraps his arm around my waist. I smile; this was my favorite position to be in while watching movies.
Around an hour later, I sit up and look at Edwin. “You want some popcorn?” I ask.
He glances at the clock and so do I; it has been almost an hour since I got home. “Sure.” He says, shrugging.
“You can keep the movie going.” I say as I stand up and head to the kitchen. I grab the popcorn and put it in the microwave when I hear the movie stop. I shake my head and set the timer for the popcorn. As I hit start, I feel hands wrap around my waist and a head nuzzle my neck before I feel lips brush along my skin.
I smile slightly, and lean back against him.
“I didn’t want you getting lonely.” He whispers in my ear. His voice was low and husky, sending shivers down my spine. I laugh a little nervously, not use to him like this.
“Thanks…” I say, turning in his arms to look at him. For a second I think I see pain on his face, but as fast as it appeared it was gone. I take a deep breath and then meet his eyes. His eyes flick to my lips and back, and I respond with the slightest movement of my head. He hesitates for a moment and then leans towards me. Both of our eyes close slowly as our lips meet.
I wait… but nothing happens inside of me. I don’t pull away from him, but I can feel something missing in our kiss. Something just wasn’t right about it. I am about to pull away when I feel something new in his kiss. I feel pain and I remember he was in love before coming here… and all I’ve done was snuck around with another guy…
I take a gasping breath and then kiss Edwin with all the passion I can muster. Things start really getting heated when the popcorn timer sounds. I try to break away but Edwin grips me tighter.
“Bay…” He moans softly. I break way from him in an instant.
“Who?” I ask.
“Crap.” He looks horrified. “Bay… Bailey is… was my girlfriend before we came here…”
I nod, but turn and get the popcorn out of the microwave.
“Hazel.” Edwin says, pleadingly. I refuse to look at him. I could understand he was hurting, but he initiated that. I would not pretend to be some other girl for him. I get a bowl and spill the popcorn into it. I walk back to the living room and sit on the opposite side of the couch from where we were at first. “Hazel, please… I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” I say, coldly. He sighs, knowing better then to continue.
“We don’t have to finish watching this, ya know.” He says quietly.
“I know.” I say. “I want to.”
He didn’t argue. He hit play and we finish the movie in silence. When I am done with the popcorn I had it to him. He takes it but doesn’t eat any. I leave when the movie finishes, not having a clue what I just saw.
Tomorrow I call up Chris.
“Hey, can you come pick me up. I need to talk to you.”
“Ok, everything alright.”
Within a couple of minutes I hear the honk of the horn. I come down the stairs and kiss Edwin bye.
“I am going out for a moment, be back soon.”
“Ok,” He kisses me back.
I run out the door and go into his car. We drive to the lake. Music is turned up like usual, but this time I did not sing. When we arrive, we walk and sit on the grass.
“Chris?” I say getting his attention.
He looks at me with a smile, but it falls when he sees the concern on my face. I look down and sigh.
“I can’t do this anymore, being here with you. Edwin has been through so much…”
“This is all about him?” He interrupts, “What about what you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, I am going to be married Chris. I can’t…”
“What? You can’t be with me because you feel bad for Edwin!?”
“I am sorry…”
“That is all you have to say!? You can’t be here with me because of him. What about what you want!? What about what I want!? If you can seriously tell me you have feelings for Edwin, then I will some what understand what you are telling me!”
“I…”
“Exactly! I guess I don’t matter to you do I?”
Tears start for fall from my face as Chris gets up and leaves me all alone at the lake. What did I just do? I just ruined a friendship with a guy. There is nothing I can do to change any of it! I pound the ground in anger. The tears fall harder.
The sun slips behind the horizon as I stare blankly ahead of me. I haven’t moved since Chris walked away, leaving me stranded alone with no way to contact any because I’d left my cell in his car.
I sat there as the night turned black. No one would find me here, and I didn’t want anyone to. The night was warm and the soothing sounds of the beautiful wilderness lulled me to sleep.
I wake the next morning stiff and disorientated. I glance around me and see something laying in the grass a few feet away. I walk of and pick up my cell. I open it and a note falls to the ground.
_Your family is worried about you. They yelled at me, but I told them you wanted to be alone and I knew where you were and you were safe. That’s when I realized you had no way of contacting them… So I came back to talk, but you were asleep and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb your peaceful slumber. Call me when you can._
Immediately, I dial Chris’ number.
“Hello?” He says groggily.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you…” I say.
“It’s fine…” He mumbles.
“You… wanted to talk?” I ask timidly.
“I… can’t be friends with you if you don’t want to be more. I do. And until I lose these feelings for you it’s better if we don’t see each other more then we have to. I’m sorry Hazel. Bye.” I stare at my cell.
After a moment I take a deep breath and call my sister’s cell. She answers and is furious. I don’t explain, just tell her where I am and beg her to come get me. I wait for her, my body numb. I don’t talk on the way home, and explain it once to a furious family. My parents ground me from going anywhere for a week. I say ok and then ask to be excused to go to my room.
Edwin follows me upstairs so I don’t close my door behind me.
“I was worried he’d hurt you…” Edwin says, staring at his hands.
“I’m sorry… I knew it was the right thing to end it between me and him… I just didn’t think it’d end so badly…” I say, tiredly.
“Yeah… I’m sorry…” Edwin says, coming over and hugging me quickly. “I’m sure you want to be alone right now… I know what it’s like to have to leave a loved one…”
With that Edwin leaves my room. I don’t move for anything the rest of the night. I eat very little and say next to nothing the rest of the weekend. School just makes my mood worse. Chris is now hitting up Claire, usually right in front of me. So much for trying to get over me. I spend as much time with Edwin as I can handle, which usually isn’t very much.
The next few weeks are much the same. I move through life in a zombie-like state. My family is worried about me, I can see that on their faces, but it takes effort that I don’t have to fake being alright. My sister and mother think that Homecoming will cheer me up, but I’m not sure. Chris is taking Claire, which means he’ll come to dinner with Edwin, Ashton, Amber, and I.
“Come on Hazel!” Amber calls out from downstairs. “We’ll be late for the big game.”
I drag myself downstairs. The dance was tomorrow, and I’m hoping that the dancing will help clear my mind.
Edwin takes my hand as we walk to the stands. I am dressed in school colors to seem like I am peppy, but in truth I feel terrible. I see Claire holding Chris’s hand and I almost loose it. My face turns cold and my eyes start to water.
“Can we sit somewhere farther away?” I ask as we are really close to Chris and Claire.
“Ya sure,” Edwin smiles and leads me to the other side of the stands.
Ashton and Amber just follow. They have no idea what is going on, they are just laughing about something. We sit and the game begins. I can’t stop myself from looking to where Chris and Claire are sitting. Claire has her head on his shoulder. I frown and look away. I feel Edwin’s arm touch my hip and he pulls me in closer for comfort. I try to ignore it and focus on the game. When that fails, I start to zone out. I become a zombie again, like I have been for weeks. I put my head on Edwin’s shoulder and close my eyes. I am in a half sleep for some time until I hear some extreme cheering. I open my eyes and see we are about to win the game. About twenty seconds are left.
“Want to run the field?” Edwin asks me.
“Sure,” I say, I always liked to run the field after a game.
We get up and make your way to the fence. When the game ends, the cheering gets louder and we all hop over the fence and run to the middle of the field. Edwin has my hand and he grins at me. Ashton and Amber are cheering like mad, but I don’t feel happy at all. What is wrong with me?
The next day Amber gets me up at 9 am.
“What?” I groan.
“We have to go get our hair and nails done.” She says. “Grab a book or something to do.”
I groan again, but get up. I throw on a random pair of sweats and a tee shirt and find Amber waiting n her car for me. We head out to the local beauty salon and start with our nails. I read my book and have my iPod in my ear, drowning out the world.
I let Amber decide how I should do my hair, because I just can’t make myself care enough to think.
By the time both of us are all done it is 11 am. We stop at McDonald’s for a quick lunch, taking it home to share with the guys.
When we walk in Edwin sees me. “Wow, I love your hair.” He says, smiling and coming over to hug me.
“Thanks.” I say, managing a smile. “We have food!” I say, lifting the bag.
“Food?” Ashton asks, coming around the corner and hugging Amber.
I laugh slightly, “Yes.”
We all sit down at the table and chat. It’s mindless, so I don’t have to hard a time managing to stay involved. Around two thirty, Amber and I head up stairs to get ready. Our friends are coming over at four for pictures, and then dinner is at five. The dance begins at seven.
In our room, we get out our dresses. Amber’s is a beautiful cream colored halter top dress, with an empire waste band in gold and covered in sparkles. Mine is a white v-neck spaghetti dress. A blue bow created an empire waste band and there were blue designs randomly on it. We slip into them, careful not to mess our hair. We do our make-up, well Amber does mine and then we sit down on out beds.
“Hazel, what’s been with you?” Amber asks.
“Just… depressed…” I say, not looking at her.
“About what? You’re being married to an amazing guy.” She says cautiously.
“Amber… Remember when we were little girls?” I say suddenly.
“Yeah… So?” She looks at me with a question in her eyes.
“Remember when we use to talk about finding the perfect guy? And being happy with him for over 50 years? Like Grandma and Grandpa? How we wanted to have a relationship full of love, like theirs?” I explain.
“Yeah… we stayed up half the night after their 50th anniversary party talking about how we wanted to be just like them…” She says slowly.
“Amber… When Edwin kisses me… I don’t _feel_ anything. *Nothing!*” I say, hurriedly. When she doesn’t say anything I continue in a hushed tone. “How can I be with him for 50 years if there is no feeling in our relationship?”
“Oh, Hun…” Amber cries, seeing the tears form in my eyes. She crosses the room and wraps her arms around me. “It’ll be ok. Just don’t cry, I’ve already done your make-up…”
I laugh as I hug her back, and will the tears out of my eyes.
“Alright, let’s just make the best of tonight, ok Hazel. You dance the way you love to, like no one is watching. Forget about everything that is going wrong right now. Just have a good time because you deserve it and because this is our last homecoming.”
“Ok,” I smile.
We check ourselves in the mirror.
“We are some pretty hot chicas,” Amber says and makes a pose.
“Heck ya,” I smile again.
“Let’s do this. Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
We link arm and arm and walk down the stairs to our dates below. Edwin grins when he sees me. He seems to be awestruck and I smile back at him. We reach the bottom of the stairs and I take Edwin’s hand.
“You look… amazing…” Edwin says in a sweet voice.
“Thank you, you look good too,” I smile at him.
We talk until I hear the doorbell ring. I take a deep breath and answer the door. Edwin stands behind me for comfort. It’s Chris and Claire. Chris looked at me, he looked great.
I fake a smile, “How nice of you guys to come.”
“This homecoming is going to be amazing!” Claire shouts and hugs me.
Oh ya, it’s going to be amazing all right. They step in and make small talk. I swallow down my sadness and talk with them like nothing is wrong. Amber is right this is my last homecoming, I might as well make the best of it.
Ashton drives us four in the Cadillac and Chris drives Claire separately. We both get to the restaurant right at 5 and we all file in to our table. Edwin helps me out of my coat, hangs it over the back of my chair, and the proceeds to pull out my chair for me. I notice a brief glance from Chris, well it is more of a glare then a glance, towards Edwin.
I can’t help myself. I smile up at Edwin and in my sweetest voice I say, “Thank you.”
I notice Chris scowl then turn his attention to Claire, giving her his undivided attention, or at least pretending to. I turn to Edwin and make small talk. He tells me over and over again how gorgeous I am… but I think he’s trying to make up for calling me Bailey still.
Ever since that incident and the Chris incident, Edwin has been super generous in the compliments department. I appreciate it, but I still wonder if he truly means it or is just trying to make up for things. I brush the thought away as our food comes and we dig in.
After we all finish eating, Edwin offers to pay for me. I refuse, letting him know he doesn’t have to pay for me but of course, he pays anyways. Ashton drives us to the dance, with Chris following behind us. The closer we get the more nervous I am. I can’t stop thinking about Chris. I wonder what is going through his mind, and if he still cares about me. Only, I feel bad now thinking about Chris with Edwin so close.
I push Chris from my mind as Ashton parks the car. We get out and wait as Chris parks and the two of them join us. The six of us walk up to the school and into the cafeteria, where here were bags lined along the tables for us to put our stuff in.
Edwin and I share a bag. We put our coats and stuff in the bag and then head to the gym where we can hear music blasting. A rap song is blaring and I can’t understand a single word being said. Edwin and I stop as Amber, Ashton, Claire, Chris join us. We all begin dancing.
I let the music take me and just as easily as we had the first time Edwin and I danced, we slipped into a perfect rhythm with each other. I let myself go. I let go of all that I’ve been holding up inside of me for so many weeks. After a few songs, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I look up to the ceiling and laugh, really getting into the music.
“Wow, I’ve missed that sound.” Edwin whisper-yells in my ear to be heard over the music.
I just continue smiling and dancing. About half-way through the dance, everyone switches partners. Amber asks to with Edwin, and I let her. Then Claire takes Ashton, and so I’m left with Chris. I walk up to him.
“Guess it’s me and you.” He says, a hint of pain in his voice.
“You don’t have to dance with me…” I tell him. He doesn’t answer, just turns me around and puts his hands on my hips. Dancing with him was even easier then dancing with Edwin had been. Even though we hadn’t talked or touched in weeks, all my feelings for him flared up the moment I felt his body against mine.
We danced for another song, before rotating partners again. By the end of the dance I’d danced with Chris two more times. Neither of us really talked about it, not wanting anyone to get suspicious of us.
When the dance ends, my feet are killing me. I walk out arm in arm with Edwin and Ashton and Amber next to us.
“Have fun tonight?” Edwin asks me.
“Yeah, lots!” I say, finally feeling like the life dampening curtain that had been thrust over me was lifted, if only for a while.
“I’m glad to see you smile, Hay.” He says to me gently.
“Me too.” Amber chimes in.
I laugh, “Thanks guys.”
On the ride how we blasted some new pop song and we all attempted to sing along, failing miserably. We all walk inside laughing uncontrollably.
“Looks like you guys had a good time.” My mom says, walking into the foyer to see us.
“Yep.” We all answer, nodding.
“I’m beat…”Amber says.
“Me too…” I nod.
“Night.” Edwin says to me. Mom walks out of the room, saying goodnight over her shoulder. Edwin leans down and kisses my cheek, “Sweet dreams.”
“You too.” I say before I head off after Amber, up to our room.
I change into my favorite plaid lounge pants and a tank top. I pull my hair back into a pony tail and head to the bathroom to wash m make-up off my face. Amber was already on her bed, waiting for me.
“Hazel, I’m really glad to see you like this.” She says. “And I’m glad you had fun. You totally deserved it.”
I laugh as I sit down on my bed cross legged, facing my sister. “Thanks. It was nice to finally just let loose and have fun.”
We talk for a little longer, but we are both exhausted from the night. We turn out our light and I fall asleep almost instantly.
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