Chapter 5

A week later and it’s Friday again. The whole week was filled with hanging out with Chris and seeing Edwin in between. Edwin has been closer to me since our dance last Friday. I don’t know what to think about that. There is just nothing there. I am getting really close to Chris though, he is becoming a really great friend. Amber and Ashton are really close, they are the it couple.
Chris and I are walking to our second hour together. We are laughing along, like always.
“So what are you doing today?” He asks, keeping the conversation going.
“Nothing… Edwin hasn’t said anything yet.”
“Well then I guess I get to make plans with you first,” He smiles.
“Ya, I guess you do. Want to go to the lake?” I suggest.
“Nah, maybe we will do something different.”
“Oh?” I say. “And what did you have in mind?”

“Maybe we could get a slice to eat?” He says, looking a little embarrassed. It confused me for a moment and then I realized how it would look, if we were eating together… alone…

“I’d like to…” I say.

“I know this place. It’s a bit of a drive, but at least no one from school should see us there.” Chris tells me.

“I love how you know what I’m thinking.” I say, smiling at him.

He laughs as he lets me go into our second hour ahead of him. The day went by fast, and surprisingly, Edwin didn’t ask me to do anything after school. This meant I was free to go with Chris on our “non date”, as we were calling it.

On the drive out, we have the stereo blasting and the windows rolled down to enjoy the summer air. I have on my shades and my hair is flying around messily. Chris glances over at me and laughs

“What?” I demand.

“You look cute.” He says and I blush.

“Oh, thanks.” I say, smiling.

“Okay, we’re here.” Chris says, also smiling.

We both get out of the car and head inside to find a seat. A waitress comes up to take our order.

“What’ll it be?” She asks.

“Uh, is a meat lovers okay with you?” Chris asks me.

“Yep, perfectly fine!” I say, my smile melting the uncertainty from his face.

The pizza comes and we eat and talk. We share stories about our childhood, our families, school, and friends. With Chris I feel like I can tell him absolutely anything. It was a very nice feeling.

He drives me home about an hour and a half later. I walk in smiling, like I have been since we left school. My muscles hurt from all the smiling and laughing I’ve been doing.

I walk up to my room and set my stuff down, before falling down onto my bed. I was so happy at the moment.

Amber walks in and looks at me, “What are you so happy about?”
I think quickly, “Oh, I was just hanging with Chris.”
“Oh, just hanging…”
“Yes, that’s it.”
“Look Hazel, your going to be married at the end of this year. Married! Are you seriously going on dates with this guy?”
I sit up and look stunned by her question.
“No, we are just friends.”
“Ya, sure.”
“We are!”
“Hazel, if you are lieing to me, then your lieing to Edwin. Edwin was really happy after that date, he told Ashton that he is really happy when he’s around you. Don’t mess with Edwin, Hazel, he’s a really great guy.”
“I am not messing with him! Chris and I are just friends!”
I run out of the room and run downstairs. I sit down onto the livingroom couch and turn on the tv. Edwin comes down. He kisses me on the cheek before sitting next to me.
“Hey, what did you do after school?” he asks
“I was hanging with Chris.”
“Oh,” his face falls.
“No, no, we are just working on a project,” I lie. I can’t stand to see him that upset.
“Oh ok,” His smile returns.
Silence hits the air as I flip channels. Nothing is on, just what I needed…
“Let’s watch a movie,” He says randomly.
“Ok, the movies are over there, feel free to pick one out yourself.”
He picks out one of my dad’s movies that I have never seen before but he claims it is really good. I decide to see just how much he cares for me. When Edwin sits back down, I shift m weight and lay my head on his shoulder. Instinctually, he wraps his arm around my waist. I smile; this was my favorite position to be in while watching movies.

Around an hour later, I sit up and look at Edwin. “You want some popcorn?” I ask.

He glances at the clock and so do I; it has been almost an hour since I got home. “Sure.” He says, shrugging.

“You can keep the movie going.” I say as I stand up and head to the kitchen. I grab the popcorn and put it in the microwave when I hear the movie stop. I shake my head and set the timer for the popcorn. As I hit start, I feel hands wrap around my waist and a head nuzzle my neck before I feel lips brush along my skin.

I smile slightly, and lean back against him.

“I didn’t want you getting lonely.” He whispers in my ear. His voice was low and husky, sending shivers down my spine. I laugh a little nervously, not use to him like this.

“Thanks…” I say, turning in his arms to look at him. For a second I think I see pain on his face, but as fast as it appeared it was gone. I take a deep breath and then meet his eyes. His eyes flick to my lips and back, and I respond with the slightest movement of my head. He hesitates for a moment and then leans towards me. Both of our eyes close slowly as our lips meet.

I wait… but nothing happens inside of me. I don’t pull away from him, but I can feel something missing in our kiss. Something just wasn’t right about it. I am about to pull away when I feel something new in his kiss. I feel pain and I remember he was in love before coming here… and all I’ve done was snuck around with another guy…

I take a gasping breath and then kiss Edwin with all the passion I can muster. Things start really getting heated when the popcorn timer sounds. I try to break away but Edwin grips me tighter.

“Bay…” He moans softly. I break way from him in an instant.

“Who?” I ask.

“Crap.” He looks horrified. “Bay… Bailey is… was my girlfriend before we came here…”

I nod, but turn and get the popcorn out of the microwave.

“Hazel.” Edwin says, pleadingly. I refuse to look at him. I could understand he was hurting, but he initiated that. I would not pretend to be some other girl for him. I get a bowl and spill the popcorn into it. I walk back to the living room and sit on the opposite side of the couch from where we were at first. “Hazel, please… I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” I say, coldly. He sighs, knowing better then to continue.

“We don’t have to finish watching this, ya know.” He says quietly.

“I know.” I say. “I want to.”

He didn’t argue. He hit play and we finish the movie in silence. When I am done with the popcorn I had it to him. He takes it but doesn’t eat any. I leave when the movie finishes, not having a clue what I just saw.
Tomorrow I call up Chris.
“Hey, can you come pick me up. I need to talk to you.”
“Ok, everything alright.”
Within a couple of minutes I hear the honk of the horn. I come down the stairs and kiss Edwin bye.
“I am going out for a moment, be back soon.”
“Ok,” He kisses me back.
I run out the door and go into his car. We drive to the lake. Music is turned up like usual, but this time I did not sing. When we arrive, we walk and sit on the grass.
“Chris?” I say getting his attention.
He looks at me with a smile, but it falls when he sees the concern on my face. I look down and sigh.
“I can’t do this anymore, being here with you. Edwin has been through so much…”
“This is all about him?” He interrupts, “What about what you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, I am going to be married Chris. I can’t…”
“What? You can’t be with me because you feel bad for Edwin!?”
“I am sorry…”
“That is all you have to say!? You can’t be here with me because of him. What about what you want!? What about what I want!? If you can seriously tell me you have feelings for Edwin, then I will some what understand what you are telling me!”
“I…”
“Exactly! I guess I don’t matter to you do I?”
Tears start for fall from my face as Chris gets up and leaves me all alone at the lake. What did I just do? I just ruined a friendship with a guy. There is nothing I can do to change any of it! I pound the ground in anger. The tears fall harder.
The sun slips behind the horizon as I stare blankly ahead of me. I haven’t moved since Chris walked away, leaving me stranded alone with no way to contact any because I’d left my cell in his car.

I sat there as the night turned black. No one would find me here, and I didn’t want anyone to. The night was warm and the soothing sounds of the beautiful wilderness lulled me to sleep.

I wake the next morning stiff and disorientated. I glance around me and see something laying in the grass a few feet away. I walk of and pick up my cell. I open it and a note falls to the ground.

_Your family is worried about you. They yelled at me, but I told them you wanted to be alone and I knew where you were and you were safe. That’s when I realized you had no way of contacting them… So I came back to talk, but you were asleep and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb your peaceful slumber. Call me when you can._

Immediately, I dial Chris’ number.

“Hello?” He says groggily.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you…” I say.

“It’s fine…” He mumbles.

“You… wanted to talk?” I ask timidly.

“I… can’t be friends with you if you don’t want to be more. I do. And until I lose these feelings for you it’s better if we don’t see each other more then we have to. I’m sorry Hazel. Bye.” I stare at my cell.

After a moment I take a deep breath and call my sister’s cell. She answers and is furious. I don’t explain, just tell her where I am and beg her to come get me. I wait for her, my body numb. I don’t talk on the way home, and explain it once to a furious family. My parents ground me from going anywhere for a week. I say ok and then ask to be excused to go to my room.

Edwin follows me upstairs so I don’t close my door behind me.

“I was worried he’d hurt you…” Edwin says, staring at his hands.

“I’m sorry… I knew it was the right thing to end it between me and him… I just didn’t think it’d end so badly…” I say, tiredly.

“Yeah… I’m sorry…” Edwin says, coming over and hugging me quickly. “I’m sure you want to be alone right now… I know what it’s like to have to leave a loved one…”

With that Edwin leaves my room. I don’t move for anything the rest of the night. I eat very little and say next to nothing the rest of the weekend. School just makes my mood worse. Chris is now hitting up Claire, usually right in front of me. So much for trying to get over me. I spend as much time with Edwin as I can handle, which usually isn’t very much.

The next few weeks are much the same. I move through life in a zombie-like state. My family is worried about me, I can see that on their faces, but it takes effort that I don’t have to fake being alright. My sister and mother think that Homecoming will cheer me up, but I’m not sure. Chris is taking Claire, which means he’ll come to dinner with Edwin, Ashton, Amber, and I.

“Come on Hazel!” Amber calls out from downstairs. “We’ll be late for the big game.”

I drag myself downstairs. The dance was tomorrow, and I’m hoping that the dancing will help clear my mind.
Edwin takes my hand as we walk to the stands. I am dressed in school colors to seem like I am peppy, but in truth I feel terrible. I see Claire holding Chris’s hand and I almost loose it. My face turns cold and my eyes start to water.
“Can we sit somewhere farther away?” I ask as we are really close to Chris and Claire.
“Ya sure,” Edwin smiles and leads me to the other side of the stands.
Ashton and Amber just follow. They have no idea what is going on, they are just laughing about something. We sit and the game begins. I can’t stop myself from looking to where Chris and Claire are sitting. Claire has her head on his shoulder. I frown and look away. I feel Edwin’s arm touch my hip and he pulls me in closer for comfort. I try to ignore it and focus on the game. When that fails, I start to zone out. I become a zombie again, like I have been for weeks. I put my head on Edwin’s shoulder and close my eyes. I am in a half sleep for some time until I hear some extreme cheering. I open my eyes and see we are about to win the game. About twenty seconds are left.
“Want to run the field?” Edwin asks me.
“Sure,” I say, I always liked to run the field after a game.

We get up and make your way to the fence. When the game ends, the cheering gets louder and we all hop over the fence and run to the middle of the field. Edwin has my hand and he grins at me. Ashton and Amber are cheering like mad, but I don’t feel happy at all. What is wrong with me?
The next day Amber gets me up at 9 am.

“What?” I groan.

“We have to go get our hair and nails done.” She says. “Grab a book or something to do.”

I groan again, but get up. I throw on a random pair of sweats and a tee shirt and find Amber waiting n her car for me. We head out to the local beauty salon and start with our nails. I read my book and have my iPod in my ear, drowning out the world.

I let Amber decide how I should do my hair, because I just can’t make myself care enough to think.

By the time both of us are all done it is 11 am. We stop at McDonald’s for a quick lunch, taking it home to share with the guys.

When we walk in Edwin sees me. “Wow, I love your hair.” He says, smiling and coming over to hug me.

“Thanks.” I say, managing a smile. “We have food!” I say, lifting the bag.

“Food?” Ashton asks, coming around the corner and hugging Amber.

I laugh slightly, “Yes.”

We all sit down at the table and chat. It’s mindless, so I don’t have to hard a time managing to stay involved. Around two thirty, Amber and I head up stairs to get ready. Our friends are coming over at four for pictures, and then dinner is at five. The dance begins at seven.

In our room, we get out our dresses. Amber’s is a beautiful cream colored halter top dress, with an empire waste band in gold and covered in sparkles. Mine is a white v-neck spaghetti dress. A blue bow created an empire waste band and there were blue designs randomly on it. We slip into them, careful not to mess our hair. We do our make-up, well Amber does mine and then we sit down on out beds.

“Hazel, what’s been with you?” Amber asks.

“Just… depressed…” I say, not looking at her.

“About what? You’re being married to an amazing guy.” She says cautiously.

“Amber… Remember when we were little girls?” I say suddenly.

“Yeah… So?” She looks at me with a question in her eyes.

“Remember when we use to talk about finding the perfect guy? And being happy with him for over 50 years? Like Grandma and Grandpa? How we wanted to have a relationship full of love, like theirs?” I explain.

“Yeah… we stayed up half the night after their 50th anniversary party talking about how we wanted to be just like them…” She says slowly.

“Amber… When Edwin kisses me… I don’t _feel_ anything. *Nothing!*” I say, hurriedly. When she doesn’t say anything I continue in a hushed tone. “How can I be with him for 50 years if there is no feeling in our relationship?”

“Oh, Hun…” Amber cries, seeing the tears form in my eyes. She crosses the room and wraps her arms around me. “It’ll be ok. Just don’t cry, I’ve already done your make-up…”

I laugh as I hug her back, and will the tears out of my eyes.
“Alright, let’s just make the best of tonight, ok Hazel. You dance the way you love to, like no one is watching. Forget about everything that is going wrong right now. Just have a good time because you deserve it and because this is our last homecoming.”
“Ok,” I smile.
We check ourselves in the mirror.
“We are some pretty hot chicas,” Amber says and makes a pose.
“Heck ya,” I smile again.
“Let’s do this. Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
We link arm and arm and walk down the stairs to our dates below. Edwin grins when he sees me. He seems to be awestruck and I smile back at him. We reach the bottom of the stairs and I take Edwin’s hand.
“You look… amazing…” Edwin says in a sweet voice.
“Thank you, you look good too,” I smile at him.
We talk until I hear the doorbell ring. I take a deep breath and answer the door. Edwin stands behind me for comfort. It’s Chris and Claire. Chris looked at me, he looked great.
I fake a smile, “How nice of you guys to come.”
“This homecoming is going to be amazing!” Claire shouts and hugs me.
Oh ya, it’s going to be amazing all right. They step in and make small talk. I swallow down my sadness and talk with them like nothing is wrong. Amber is right this is my last homecoming, I might as well make the best of it.
Ashton drives us four in the Cadillac and Chris drives Claire separately. We both get to the restaurant right at 5 and we all file in to our table. Edwin helps me out of my coat, hangs it over the back of my chair, and the proceeds to pull out my chair for me. I notice a brief glance from Chris, well it is more of a glare then a glance, towards Edwin.

I can’t help myself. I smile up at Edwin and in my sweetest voice I say, “Thank you.”

I notice Chris scowl then turn his attention to Claire, giving her his undivided attention, or at least pretending to. I turn to Edwin and make small talk. He tells me over and over again how gorgeous I am… but I think he’s trying to make up for calling me Bailey still.

Ever since that incident and the Chris incident, Edwin has been super generous in the compliments department. I appreciate it, but I still wonder if he truly means it or is just trying to make up for things. I brush the thought away as our food comes and we dig in.

After we all finish eating, Edwin offers to pay for me. I refuse, letting him know he doesn’t have to pay for me but of course, he pays anyways. Ashton drives us to the dance, with Chris following behind us. The closer we get the more nervous I am. I can’t stop thinking about Chris. I wonder what is going through his mind, and if he still cares about me. Only, I feel bad now thinking about Chris with Edwin so close.

I push Chris from my mind as Ashton parks the car. We get out and wait as Chris parks and the two of them join us. The six of us walk up to the school and into the cafeteria, where here were bags lined along the tables for us to put our stuff in.

Edwin and I share a bag. We put our coats and stuff in the bag and then head to the gym where we can hear music blasting. A rap song is blaring and I can’t understand a single word being said. Edwin and I stop as Amber, Ashton, Claire, Chris join us. We all begin dancing.

I let the music take me and just as easily as we had the first time Edwin and I danced, we slipped into a perfect rhythm with each other. I let myself go. I let go of all that I’ve been holding up inside of me for so many weeks. After a few songs, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I look up to the ceiling and laugh, really getting into the music.

“Wow, I’ve missed that sound.” Edwin whisper-yells in my ear to be heard over the music.

I just continue smiling and dancing. About half-way through the dance, everyone switches partners. Amber asks to with Edwin, and I let her. Then Claire takes Ashton, and so I’m left with Chris. I walk up to him.

“Guess it’s me and you.” He says, a hint of pain in his voice.

“You don’t have to dance with me…” I tell him. He doesn’t answer, just turns me around and puts his hands on my hips. Dancing with him was even easier then dancing with Edwin had been. Even though we hadn’t talked or touched in weeks, all my feelings for him flared up the moment I felt his body against mine.

We danced for another song, before rotating partners again. By the end of the dance I’d danced with Chris two more times. Neither of us really talked about it, not wanting anyone to get suspicious of us.

When the dance ends, my feet are killing me. I walk out arm in arm with Edwin and Ashton and Amber next to us.

“Have fun tonight?” Edwin asks me.

“Yeah, lots!” I say, finally feeling like the life dampening curtain that had been thrust over me was lifted, if only for a while.

“I’m glad to see you smile, Hay.” He says to me gently.

“Me too.” Amber chimes in.

I laugh, “Thanks guys.”

On the ride how we blasted some new pop song and we all attempted to sing along, failing miserably. We all walk inside laughing uncontrollably.

“Looks like you guys had a good time.” My mom says, walking into the foyer to see us.

“Yep.” We all answer, nodding.

“I’m beat…”Amber says.

“Me too…” I nod.

“Night.” Edwin says to me. Mom walks out of the room, saying goodnight over her shoulder. Edwin leans down and kisses my cheek, “Sweet dreams.”

“You too.” I say before I head off after Amber, up to our room.

I change into my favorite plaid lounge pants and a tank top. I pull my hair back into a pony tail and head to the bathroom to wash m make-up off my face. Amber was already on her bed, waiting for me.

“Hazel, I’m really glad to see you like this.” She says. “And I’m glad you had fun. You totally deserved it.”

I laugh as I sit down on my bed cross legged, facing my sister. “Thanks. It was nice to finally just let loose and have fun.”

We talk for a little longer, but we are both exhausted from the night. We turn out our light and I fall asleep almost instantly.